Back In The Show (for a cup of coffee at least)

It hasn't felt like a heater, but I've been winning steadily since reaching the nadir of the downswing about a week ago. Lo and behold, when I logged into today I had crossed my self-imposed threshold for mixing 200NL into my game selection. For me, for now, 200NL is the major leagues. So given that I've played pretty well grinding my way back, and given that I do think of 200NL as a big deal, you would think I would definitely have my "A" game tonight. Alas, the opposite came to pass as I played my worst poker of the last couple weeks. Was about where I've been preflop in terms of VPIP, but for some reason I was calling loads. Ended up around 20/12. One of those sessions where I knew I was calling too much and not raising enough, yet just kept doing it. Plus right back to my old faithful leak of calling WAY too many 3bets. Thought I had that one going in the right direction. Hopefully it's a two steps forward one step back type of deal. Cause tonight I was just terrible in that department.

I also didn't catch many cards, and when I did hit a flop it seemed a reg hit it a bit harder than me. So, then, how am I up three buy-ins? Suckouts, baby, suckouts. If the regs didn't like me before, they really hate me now. My Jacks rivered a set against KK's (that one wasn't too bad, he was a very frequent 3-bettor and we got it in pre, but still). I called a 3-bet with AQ and eventually got it in against AK on an AKJx board with three hearts (I had the queen of hearts) and rivered the flush. And the worst one, I got totally powned by a reg who made a smallish 4-bet. I was new to the table and we had already mixed it up in one or two spots, but nowhere near enough for me to assume he was making a move here yet (I think I was actually influenced by reading in a forum that he was kind of a hothead, but that's not near enough reason either). I had AJ, and decided to call the 4bet and get it in with top pair. Board was Jxx rainbow, I got it in against his KK, I rivered the ace. He did ream me out in chat, so I guess the hothead stuff was accurate anyway. I just told him he was right, cause he was.

I also managed to get paid when I flopped big against donkeys, and of course I got sucked out on a few times myself. But end of the day, despite playing fairly terrible, I had a small but decent profit. I'll consider it a respite, I'm not back in the minors yet even though my performance would seem to dictate I should be. The important question, of course, is why did my game go to shit when it should have, if anything, been sharper than normal?

It's a pretty easy answer, actually. When I'm way down, not really in sight of the magic number where I start withdrawing again, it's very easy for me to just focus on playing. Forget about the cashier page, forget about results, cause they're not close to mattering in terms of real life $ anyway. If I am worried about them at all, it's more in the sense of not wanting to go down any further than in the sense of hoping for a big score. Not that that's a healthy attitude either, but it's way less harmful, for me in particular, than the opposite. Now that I'm at a point where hypothetically a heater could put me into withdrawal territory again, I have a way harder time just focussing on the hand in front of me. I'm constantly watching my balance.

The main problem with that is the loss of focus. Most of these errant calls are made without 100% attention. I'm constantly finding myself in postflop situations where I don't even remember the preflop action. Did I raise or call? How did I get here (to sorta quote David Byrne)? That's brutal. I mean, when you're playing a lot of tables that will happen once in a while, but this is a different thing.

A second problem is that it makes me want to make what I know are slightly (or even not slightly) -EV plays in exchange for the chance at a big payoff. I definitely learned while I was grinding my roll back up, you don't have to take huge risks on a hand by hand basis. Just be patient, wait for your big hands, and while they won't always get paid when they do it'll be pure profit cause you weren't spewing chips splashing around before and after.

I have so far survived my lack of focus when winning problem, partly due to a long-term case of rungood, and partly due to the fact that you don't have to play perfect to make money (you just have to play better than enough of your competition). But obviously not having my "A" game whenever my roll is in good shape is not an acceptable long-term situation. But finding the problem is easy. Finding the solution, not so much.