Chris's Blog

Movies

2011-10-28T16:31:00.001-07:00

I'm not gonna lie. The movie situation here on the Isle Of Man is pretty dire. There are two theaters, one of which has one screen and the other has two. So okay, we're not gonna get much outside of the mainstream. But I swear they deliberately pick things just to annoy me.

We had a free babysitter (yay mother-in-law!) this week and here were our choices:

1) A sequel to a farcical spy type thing starring Mr Bean that really could have not looked more terrible;

2) A reissue of the Lion King -- like, honestly, WTF??? There are three screens available on the whole island and one of them is given over to screening a movie from the fuckin' 90's?

3) The Three Musketeers

So we went with three and it was a terrible choice. Several times I had the thought that perhaps somebody involved in the making of it was intentionally sabotaging it for some reason. A scorned lover or a merry prankster or something.

Yeah, maybe it was like the story of Richard Harris's "MacArthur Park". I don't know if it's true, and I'm not gonna google it right now cause it's okay to be wrong sometimes, but I heard he wrote the lyrics as a lark. Like, let's see if I can write the world's stupidest lyrics and still have a hit song. I'm wondering if that was somebody's agenda here. Let's see how stupid a scene I can write and see if the movie still gets made, and even becomes a hit!

Should have gone to the Mr Bean one, for sure.

There's like ten good-looking movies showing around the world that just refuse to come here. I'm gonna be home in Vancouver on business next week for 4 days and my goal is to see 4 movies. Probably not possible, given the business I have to do (which will include full days, and several dinners), and given that I want to see friends and family. But that's the goal.

Cause also, as if things aren't bad enough, they only show one preview at the movies here. And the last three movies I've been to it's been the same preview, for the new Twilight movie. Seriously, am I being punked?

Isle Of Man Update

2011-07-11T15:17:00.001-07:00

Friday night the six guys I was training for this new program I'm working on developing left after two weeks of training. I was eyeing that date for about three months. Pretty much all the work I've done since taking this job has been about getting to last Friday with everything running smoothly, going well. I definitely had my doubts. A lot of first-time experiences for me. I was undertaking a pretty major project for a pretty major corporation, without any direct experience. And I've certainly never run a training course before. But I was banking on a lot of my experiences with the band and with poker translating in different ways to what I am doing now, and it worked out I think. Not that it went perfect, but honestly looking back over the last few months I'm pretty stoked with how it's all turned out, work-wise.

So now that I can breath a bit, this weekend I finally felt a bit home sick. Saw a facebook post with a picture of a quintessential Vancouver evening. Couldn't get my family on Skype, and then when I was indisposed for like five minutes somehow Rachel got on Skype with my brother and his family and I missed that. Started thinking about the band out there on the road, imagining them in the same hotels, on the same stages, driving the same roads that I drove for 15 years. And it felt really, really weird that I wasn't there. Just goes to show how busy I've been with work that these things are just hitting me now.

But anyway, recent bouts with homesickness aside, I think things are going pretty great here. Definitely expected a tougher transition. We've met quite a few cool people, including some with kids around Henry's age. We probably have more "couple" friends here than we did at home, which is pretty bizarre.

We bought a season train pass and have been exploring the island on weekends. The job is uber-demanding (I think I worked about 150 hours over the two weeks the trainees were in town) but also very rewarding, very enjoyable, challenging in a good way, and somewhat flexible (I'm going to have a family train adventure Wednesday morning, for example, and just work from home later in the day). It's weird going to an office and having a boss, but I love the company and respect my boss (very, very smart guy) so it's weird but not a bad thing.

I like the place we're living a lot. Rachel is so-so on it, I think. It's only a three month lease, so not sure if we'll be staying longer or not. I don't really want to move, but Rachel spends about five times as many waking hours here as I do so her call. It's a ten minute walk from my work, and the sea views are incredible, and we're across the street from the seawall and we can walk straight down the seawall into town. The town is actually more charming than I expected, even if a lot of stuff closes up real early and a lot of other stuff doesn't even exist. I mean, you can't compare it to Vancouver (or any major city, obviously). But if you just sort of accept there's no cool breakfast spot, and the coffee shops close at 5pm, and most of them don't have WiFi, then it's not that big a deal. If you feel like there's absolutely nothing in this town, then you realize there's actually quite a lot. Some okay restaurants (okay, that's a bit of a stretch, but there's some expensive restaurants anyway), plenty of shops and whatnot (and Amazon provides free shipping). Lots of parks, actually lots of events going on (might not continue to be the case once summer is over but whatever). Hell, Elton John was here last month. We didn't go, but it happened.

Still can't get used to people driving on the wrong side of the street. I just about get killed every other day. Not driving, just walking (we don't have a car). My neck refuses to look right first. And when it does I level myself and believe I'm looking the wrong way and look back to the left anyway. It's terrible. Why can't they just conform with the rest of the world?

We've been running really good, weather-wise. Doesn't really get that hot, but we haven't seen that much of the famous Isle Of Man rain. Or, at least, the timing's been good when it has rained. I've walked to and from work every single day. I'm told some days the weather will necessitate a taxi or else I'll be a wet dog at work. But I haven't had it be an issue yet.

Henry's sleeping through the night, more or less, which was unimaginable a month ago. Still can be hard to put down, and can demand some brief comforting at random times in the wee hours, but 100% better than it was. He's getting brattier as he nears in on two, but he's still overall the mellow, happy kid he's been most of his life. The only thing I really don't like about my job is sometimes I don't get home until after he goes to bed (not often, except the last two weeks when my training went into the evening so it became somewhat regular). That's hard. And he's been a bit clingy with me in the morning, probably as a result of that, which makes leaving for work hard too.

Man, I love that kid. And his mother. I guess that's probably right now the thing the Isle Of Man has going for it more than anything else, more than the wicked job or the sense of adventure or the beautiful scenery or the delicious egg mayo sandwiches: it's the current home of my two favourite people in the world.

And now you're up to date.

Feels Like Vacation

2011-05-28T04:16:00.001-07:00

We had to fly forever to get here. Till yesterday we were staying in a hotel (well, an extended stay apartment, but essentially a hotel). Now I'm sitting around listening to Phish (I don't know why I'm getting more and more into Phish at this late date, but I'm fairly sure it's not a positive development) in our new abode and if I look out the windows, past our patio, literally all I can see is ocean. Or sea, I suppose. Everything feels and looks a little or a lot bit different, like it always does when you travel.

So even though there's lots of work that's been done and needs to be done to get properly domesticated/settled here, and even though I know my first month on the job is going to be ridiculously intense/busy (I get a mixture of anxiety/excitement every time I remotely think about it, which is often), it feels like vacation right now. Which will probably fade fairly quickly (although I think for it to fade in entirety might take a very long time). It's probably a good thing, feeling like you're on vacation, right? Who doesn't love vacation?

But it's also kind of freaky, truth be told. Cause, you know, you're supposed to return home from vacation. But given that for now this in fact is home, a slight out of sorts feeling currently permeates. I mean, if this is home, and we go to Vancouver on holiday, does that make missing Vancouver being "vacationsick"? That's not even a word. How am I supposed to feel that?

Overall, tho, a very promising start to our new adventure. Found a place to live we quite like (after a scary start to the search -- day one yielded no worthy fruit at all), already moved in with all our utilities up and running. Have a good sense of the town, which is basically as advertised (pretty small, but not without its charms, pretty easy to navigate on foot; and of course there's the ocean and seawall, or promenade, both of which we are, historically speaking, inclined to be quite fond). Already have met some potential new friends. I'm walking distance from work. With the exception of buying a car (which we still consider a possibility as opposed to a certainty) we're pretty set here already.

In other news, in a blog post today I went word-slash-word three times in one sentence. Of course no proof exists, but I bet that's the first time I've done that in my life. More proof I'm out of sorts.

Be At Least A Little Picky

2011-05-22T23:07:00.001-07:00

This morning I went across the street to our local Subway for a sandwich to help sustain me through the daily rigours of life. And the guy in front of me got a Subway Club. And guess what he had on it? I'll tell you. He had everything. Literally. He got every vegetable and every sauce and salt and pepper and he only stopped getting stuff cause he had everything.

So what I don't get is what does that sandwich even taste like? It's like using every crayon in the box on top of each other until all you're left with is a big black blotch. A big black blotch of a Subway Club sandwich. I've been thinking about this for hours, and I just don't see any justification for how that sandwich isn't total bullshit.

PIH-SLC-ATL-DUB-IOM/IOM-MAN-AMS-YVR

2011-03-22T16:08:00.000-07:00

I've done some wacky travel in my time, but that itinerary's up there.

I think the interviews went well, considering they were my first job interviews in at least 15 years. Don't feel like I crushed them, but don't feel like I choked either. Unfortunately, I got the one answer I didn't want: "We'll let you know".

They assure me that's not 'no', that there was no way they were offering the job on the spot regardless of how the interviews went, and that they would definitely have told me flat out 'no' if that was the case. So fair enough. Within a week, I'm told. Patience is not a particular strong suit, so here's a good opportunity to work on that.

Overall it was a pretty fun/cool experience. I have so much respect for the brand, it was neat to meet the people behind it, see headquarters, etc. Everybody was super nice, and what I saw of the Isle Of Man I liked plenty well. Regardless of whether I end up working there, I'm really glad to have had this experience. Epic itinerary and patience-testing, notwithstanding.

Skittish

2011-02-04T16:08:00.000-08:00

I never drank coffee at all for most of my adult life. The last year or so, I started having maybe a cup or two a week, then a daily cup. And now this winter I have become officially addicted to coffee. Better late than never?

I gotta tell you. I feel terrible. Just kind of a low-level feeling of adrenaline, not in a good way at all. Very disconcerting. Guess I gotta stop drinking coffee. Or cut back? Decaf?

How did this happen?

PokerStars Blogging Championship

2011-01-13T20:45:00.000-08:00

So I'm maybe playing in this freeroll, not sure, but to get the tickets I need to post this. Dave Dunnet, you should enter (or any others among you with a blog and a fondness for the pokerz). Did I mention it was a freeroll?

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker! The WBCOOP is a free online Poker tournament open to all Bloggers, so register on WBCOOP to play.

Registration code: XXXXXX 388810

New Poker Blog

2011-01-09T21:18:00.001-08:00

Started a new poker blog, you can find it at http://whyisuckatpoker.com/. It will be updated way more often than this one, but will be pretty much all poker related so if that's not your bag I probably wouldn't bother.

I'll still try to get back into blogging here soon. I figure I'm due to have something to say any day now.

Finished

2010-12-23T11:36:00.000-08:00

Man have I neglected this blog. It's poker's fault, of course. Partly because I now have a poker blog hosted elsewhere, but mainly because finishing SuperNova Elite was such an incredibly soul-crushing, time-sucking, life-halting grind.

I finished on Monday, btw. Stoked to be done, of course, and somewhat proud of it as a feat of endurance. Would have been a lot more proud if the in-game results hadn't tanked beyond imagination the last few months. Not sure it was a smart decision to take it on, and seems somewhat unlikely that I'll repeat (not impossible, but it's a long shot). Mainly it just feels like an unwelcome house guest has left and I can finally relax in my own home.

Half Marathon Is No Joke

2010-11-22T21:31:00.000-08:00

Okay, now that my debut half marathon is a couple days behind me, I'm ready to analyze what went wrong.

I guess, in retrospect, it wasn't all that bad. I expected it to be hard, which it was. And I only really cared that I finished, which I did. But brother, I'm here to tell you. I was fully and completely crushed by the thing. As I crossed the finish line I was firmly resolved to never do any serious exercise again. Ever. So I'll die young and experience a diminished quality of life? Fair enough.

But I'm off the ledge now and actually feel committed again to trying to run a marathon next year. Which brings me back to what went wrong (you know, in the interest of learning, like):

1) I undertrained. I only got up to about 15k in my training runs, and not even that many of them. I was told that the extra k's wouldn't be that hard, but the tellers lied.
2) The damn hills. If I undertrained for the distance, I way undertrained for the hills. Like, didn't train at all. There's one long, gradual hill, probably about 3k, which you do twice. The first time crushed me. The second time left me a bitter, defeated shell of a man (which I mean in a fun, upbeat way).
3) The damn cold. It was freaking snowing at points. Parts of the road were icy. I couldn't feel my, well, anything. i couldn't feel a damn thing.
4) My common sense. If I'm doing something, by choice, that makes me want to puke, it seems instinctual to stop. I'm gonna have to work on defeating that particular instinct.
5) The chili was overrated. Can't really blame it for the race, but still. Disappointing.

That Was Fast

2010-11-10T22:02:00.000-08:00

Been talking about getting rid of the car for probably six months now. Truth is, we don't really need it. Daily life here downtown just doesn't require it, and there are a couple great options for the rare occasions we do need one (already joined ZipCar, which is ideal for short stints, and there are several local car rental places when we need a car for a bit longer). Those costs should be way less than insurance/maintenance on the car. And the finances really aren't even the point. The point is we don't need a car, so why have one?

Anyway, been talking about it for a while and finally got our shit together, cleaned out the car, and put it on craigslist today. Only got one call, but (surprisingly for Craigslist) the guy did come over, we agreed on terms, and boom! I'm carless for the first time since I was 16 years old. Well, technically I won't be carless till Friday. He gave me a deposit and agreed to come back then with the remainder. But the point remains.

So I guess it's good, but I do have a vague freaked out/panicked feeling. Maybe even not that vague, fairly prominent. But I was expecting it, and I know it'll pass, and I'm pretty sure it's the right choice. And if it's not, well, we didn't just sell the country's last available car. We could acquire a new one easy enough.

Whatever. It's just weird. No car is weird.

The Angry Pedestrian

2010-11-04T11:08:00.000-07:00

There are many ways having a child changes you, of course, and not all of them are expected. For example, before Henry I can't recall ever getting mad at a driver while walking about. I mean, yeah, sometimes drivers aren't paying attention and almost kill you and whatnot, but hey, we all make mistakes, and what's the point in getting all worked up about it?

But this week I'm walking down towards the Costco for the buck ninety-nine hot dog and soda, and little Henry is in the stroller, and this lady is coming out of the Costco parking lot. It exits onto a one-way street, so she's only looking to her left and even though she has a red she rides right on through the intersection. And if I weren't on my toes, she would have rode right on through the baby stroller. So I give her the universal palms up what are you doing gesture, and she sees me and looks suitably horrified/ashamed and mouths 'sorry' and I hold my gesture and she says 'sorry' again and then it's over. She's down the road.

And afterwards, I'm actually feeling kinda bad. Cause truthfully I probably would have had to accelerate a bit for her to have had a chance at killing Henry (that's not really the point, she should have been paying attention, but it does seem at least vaguely relevant). And moreso cause she said 'sorry', she obviously felt bad, I wish I would have released the gesture and mouthed some sort of peace-making 'okay'.

But I didn't learn my lesson, cause just yesterday I'm walking up Hornby just past the art gallery and there's some construction and the intersection is a mess. And when we get the 'walk' sign we all start through the cross walk and this guy who obviously had waited the entire light without being able to get through races in front of us. Again, not exactly a near-death experience, but still I felt like Henry was being disrespected. Like, really, you're in such a hurry you're willing to kill a baby to get through this intersection? So I give the palms up again and I even mouth 'what the eff', and he refuses to look at me (I know he knows I'm there), and he has been slowed down by the intersectional mess so he's crawling by but still refuses to look as I give a second 'what the eff'.

So I kick his rear tire. He looks at me in his side mirror, and I see true fear in his eyes, and he drives off. And I realize, not for the first time and I'm certain not for the last, that being a dad makes you crazy. And if you're not careful, maybe a little mean.

I mean, kicking people's cars? What the eff, indeed.

Due Date

2010-11-03T22:07:00.000-07:00

There weren't really any movies that looked that good and worked with our schedule, but Grandma was over and willing to watch the young 'un and you can't pass up free baby sitting, so we decided to check out Hereafter. The preview looked good, but it looked sad (which I wasn't really in the mood for), and the reviews were middling. But still, Eastwood has earned the benefit of the doubt lately, so decided to give it a shot.

While standing in line, a guy came up to us and said 'do you want to see a free movie'? He had an extra pass to the sneak preview of 'Due Date'. Score! Was way more in the mood for a comedy, and free is free.

So, there are definitely some funny parts, but overall it was no great shakes. I can't quite give it an un-recommend, cause comedies are few and far between lately, and sometimes you gotta at least take a shot at having a good laugh. And maybe it'll hit your sensibilities just right. But I found the two theater employees using night vision apparatus to search the theater for bootleggers far more entertaining than the movie itself, which probably isn't a good sign.

Preview Review VI (Missoula, MT edition)

2010-10-11T17:26:00.000-07:00

Our lame ass booking agent somehow had us out on the road with a Friday night off. Just terrible. The upside, as it so often is, was an opportunity to visit the local cineplex. Here are the previews they offered.

SKYLINE -- Vaguely familiar looking actors fight vaguely familiar looking CGI aliens in a very familiar looking plot line. US (upside score) 1. SS (Secret score) 3.

UNSTOPPABLE -- I mean, I dunno. It's based on a true story, so I guess somebody said 'it has to be a movie'. But, sight unseen of course, it kinda seems like it didn't have to be a movie at all. With Denzel and his favorite director Ridley Scott, it might be an entertaining bad movie instead of just a straight-up bad movie. So I'll give it an extra point. US 2. SS 3.

DUE DATE -- The first preview I saw for this just looked terrible. This preview looked a lot more promising. But really, and it pains me to say this, both Robert Downey Jr. and Zach whateverhisnameis are seeming already past their own personal best before dates. And I'd consider myself a fan of both. Still, with the 'Old School' director at the helm, it should be worth two hours of your life. US 6. SS 4.

MEGAMIND -- It looked good, I suppose, but it's hard to really get behind animated movies. Whenever people argue that the 'best animated movie' contenders should also be up for the 'best movie at large' Oscar, I always think, 'for real? it's a cartoon!' I like the (voice) cast, and the trailer looked entertaining, so I'll probably go if the options are this or a horror movie. US 5. SS 5.

HEREAFTER -- The saddest looking movie, like, ever. There is almost zero chance this will be bad. But also seems pretty unlikely it won't be a giant buzz kill. US 8. SS 7.

RED -- If your idea of a good time is watching Bruce Willis smirk, then by all means. US 2 (give it an extra point just cause a couple cast members seem to have enough common sense to avoid movies that are this bad, so maybe it's better than it seems). SS 5.

All in all, a very disappointing selection of trailers. Again, I blame the booking agent.

Fuck 'Fuck Poker'

2010-09-20T18:49:00.000-07:00

Is that a double negative?

The thing that irritates me about my 'poker is so hard' cry baby rant a couple posts ago, more than anything else, is that it reads like a carbon copy of one I wrote last year. I would have liked to have thought that a couple million hands would have taught me a new trick or two. Yet there I was, whining as much as ever.

Well, not again. I mean, the first obvious thing is that poker has extreme swings and if you are surprised by them, you're an idiot (at least after you've played long enough to really get a proper sense of it). Secondly, any energy put it into complaining, or fixating on the swings in general, adversely affects my performance (which is a disastrous result, letting the part of it I can control turn for the worse). And finally, I choose to play poker, understanding that the swings are part of the game. I mean, they're not a necessary evil. They're just necessary. Without the luck factor, the game can't thrive and while skill edges would win out quicker there'd be much less reward.

So I'm done complaining about results. Period. Doesn't mean it's not frustrating when you're on the worst down swing of the year (like I continue to be). Just means that it's pointless, and weak, to bitch about it.

I shouldn't play poker if I can't handle variance. But I do, so I have to. Simple like that.

Dumped Into The Caribbean

2010-09-10T08:17:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, with Henry tended to by the fine staff at "Baby Club Med", Rachel and I took a kayak out into the Caribbean. We went basically straight out, and the waves got pretty intense, and we were in very short order deposited unceremoniously into the sea. We had to get rescued (apparently the kayak was filled with water, which made it less useful, although that might have been code from our motor-boated rescuer for "I'm not leaving you two idiots this far out here").

It was embarrassing, but awesome! I think Rachel found it a little more embarrassing, given her history with boats, and she wanted to be in the back of the boat when we went back out. I refused, mainly because I didn't want a running commentary of my paddling technique, such as it is. I did get plenty of tips on how to avoid a repeat spill, but secretly I think she liked it as much as I did.

Fuck Poker

2010-09-04T15:52:00.001-07:00

I don't know what I did to piss off the poker gods, but apparently it was major.

This week, in only 25k hands, I'm down 80 (short) buy-ins. Just sickening. And as you know, when you're downswinging, the poker gods lay it on thick. Any time you fold, you would have got there. But when you stay in, you can't hit your 21-outer to pass the uber donk who called a flop shove with bottom pair. Can't hit it, like, ever. Not one fucking time in 25,000 hands.

But anyway, I'm not gonna go on too much about how many times the 80/60 spaz somehow has QQ when I call off preflop with JJ, or how the 60/10 always has A5 against my AK on the AJ5 board. You've been there, nobody wants to hear it. What I am interested in is the coincidence of my downswing with my inability to maintain focus for long grind sessions. I'm not getting in my VPP's because I seem to lose interest about 45 minutes into every session to the point where I feel like I just can't play. But is that lack of mental focus why I'm having such terrible results (and the preponderance of ridiculous beats is really just my mind playing tricks on me)? Or have I lost the focus because of the demoralizing affect of the bad results (in this scenario, said results being truly a result of variance)?

I've come to the conclusion that while there is definitely a bit of a vicious cycle happening (bad results frustrate me which makes me more likely to make a mistake which causes bad results which frustrate me which makes -- you get the idea), it's more a case of the focus getting shit-kicked by the results than the other way around.

First of all, as much as we do have selective memories, I still believe somebody who grinds a lot (relatively successfully) knows when he's running good or bad. I know if my overpair run into sets six times in fifteen minutes, that's just not normal. I know when a total maniac shows up with AA, that's pure bad luck. And certainly I recognize that losing to a hand that I had dominated happens, you know, 30% of the time or whatever. But if I haven't taken down one all-in yet in a session, and I've lost to a hand I had dominated four different times, it's obviously not about how I'm playing. There's no way, in these particular instances, for my mind to fool me. My point is just that while we can't trust ourselves totally in these matters, there are still times when we know we are running like complete and utter shit. And right now I am certain of it.

Secondly, poker is a game that even when we play terrible we win sometimes. Yet I have lost in 12 straight sessions. I'm not saying I'm an overall loser over the last 12 sessions. I'm saying I have posted a loss in every single one of those sessions, individually. There is just no earthly way that my skill level has deteriorated, instantly, so that after 10 straight winning weeks (at this stake level, anyway, I did post losses when taking shots) I suddenly can't post a single winning session. I mean, if my game is off, it's only off a little from where it was. I wasn't a genius then, just as I'm not suddenly a beginner now.

Anyway, now that I'm done convincing myself that it's mainly variance, the question is why I am letting it affect my ability to grind so much. If I had played through, got in my hands every day, odds are I'd have posted some winning sessions by now and perhaps already feel finished with the downswing. So why don't I do that?

I know why. During most of the summer, as I posted my most consistent results (by far) of this whole SSing experiment, I really focused on individual hands, refused to check results, tried very hard to get caught up in the decision-making process. That bubble burst when I took my shots at 400. Because I was nervous about it, and because the pots seemed so much bigger, I got in the habit of checking the cashier page after almost every big pot. I didn't shake it when I went back to only playing 200.

The thing is, when you're running good, checking the cashier page doesn't really hurt you that much. It's still probably a bad idea, because it takes away your focus on the present. But it's not going to tilt you. But now, this week when I hit my downswing, when I look at the cashier page and I'm down half a dozen (again, short) buy-ins five minutes into my session, there's just no way I'm not gonna be affected by it. Even if it doesn't directly affect my play (which sometimes it will), it still affects my desire to grind out a long session. Big time.

The good news, despite this week's terrible results, I still have a healthy roll for 200. Not huge, but certainly not near having to ask the staker for $. So I don't need to be sweating that. And even if I was low, there's no upside to sweating it. So starting right now, I resolve to have the utmost commitment to ignoring results in-session. Everybody knows that swings are an unavoidable part of grinding. Having habits that might allow my focus and/or level of play to be compromised by those swings is totally unacceptable.

Oh, and also, no surfing 2+2 or facebook during sessions. I solemnly swear.

Thank you for joining me on this voyage of self-discovery.

Well, it was catchy the first three times

2010-08-20T19:18:00.000-07:00

I already blew the (instantly uber-hot) Cee-Lo track "Fuck You" for myself by listening to it like five times today. Now it's gonna get played everywhere by everyone for the next six months and it's gonna drive me nuts. Why did I do that to myself?

Disable Hotkey

2010-08-13T10:09:00.000-07:00

If you've been wondering, as undoubtedly many of you have, when I will finally accept that for all it's time-saving convenience, and despite the (undeniable, surely, and inherent) cool factor enjoyed by the practitioner in its casual utilization, it is not a good feature if it causes even the rarest of closings of a table wherein lie the nuts (or the near nuts, or, really, any hand of near any value), wonder no more. I have now disabled the TableNinja (TM, I'm sure) one click table close feature. Not without sadness, but with, barring the unforeseen, a strong sense of determination towards finality.

Reason To Believe

2010-08-10T00:08:00.000-07:00

Way back in the day, I used to always forget that the song 'Reason To Believe' is on Nebraska. I think it just seemed too upbeat to me to fit on that record. For some reason I never really gave the words enough consideration to realize that it's one of Springsteen's darkest songs. Once I did, the upbeat, practically jaunty, vibe just drove his point home all the more. Taken in context, the 'people find some reason to believe' line (which, superficially, sounds positive) is practically spiteful. The song is hopeless (at best), sarcastic and bitter, misanthropic even (at worst). If it belongs on any album (which it does, because it's great, but which I wish it didn't, cause it's depressing) Nebraska's the one. According to biographers, Springsteen was in a fairly significant depression when he wrote and recorded these songs (by himself, cut off from his usual musical co-conspirators). Whatever. I guess it's his blue period, as it were.

Anyway, I was thinking about that song (which I still, years after letting its meaning sink in, have a love/hate relationship with) because of this one verse:

"Take a baby to the river, Kyle William they called him
Wash the baby in the water, take away little Kyle's sin
In a whitewash shotgun shack an old man passes away
Take his body to the graveyard and over him they pray
Lord won't you tell us, tell us what does it mean
Still at the end of every hard earned day people find some reason to believe"

I remember, as a teenager in my Toyota Supra, the moment I realized it's Kyle William in the whitewash shotgun shack too. Heavy, man!

The last two times I've been in church, both in the past month, have been for a baptism and a funeral. I feel kinda messed up by my Dad's death. And tho it wasn't my son being baptized, he's of that age. I feel this lyric has come to life for me, in ways that I couldn't have imagined in the Supra. If only the thing had a shred of hope to it.

Preview Review V

2010-08-02T02:47:00.000-07:00

Inception is a stunner, by the way. If you haven’t seen it, do.

WALL STREET. Man, Michael Douglas is looking a lot like Kirk. I guess it makes sense, you know, genetically speaking. But sometimes it’s like spitting image material. Overall this will probably be a fun movie, although the time that Oliver Stone was considered an ‘important’ director seems long gone. From the looks (or sounds) of the trailer, this will be absolutely riddled with clichéd dialogue. But you know, maybe that’s what these people actually talk like. Upside Score (US) 5. Secret Score (SS) 7.

TRON. I didn’t see the original, and maybe if I did this would be more exciting. Also, maybe the secret score might be lower, cause I might have had more than the vaguest sense of what’s going on. I mean, I know he enters a video game or whatever, but that’s about it. Still, looks good, as far as movies I’m not that interested in go. US 5. SS 8.

THE SOCIAL NETWORK. Having been burned a few times now in these Preview Reviews, I am developing a good sense for when the preview will actually be better than the movie (I’m looking at you, Russell Crowe’s Robin Hood). And this preview was almost functional as a self-contained ‘story of Facebook’. It did make the movie look quite good, but I’m suspicious that the picture proper will disappoint. Still I remain, always, hopeful. US 7.5. SS 5.

DUE DATE. On paper, it’s can’t miss. Robert Downey Jr and Zach G from the Hangover in a road comedy. On film, it sadly looks likely to miss. Maybe everything’s much funnier in context. US 3. SS 3.

THE TOWN. How does Ben Affleck not suck? Doesn’t it really seem like he should suck? Goes to show you never can tell, I guess. US 7. SS 5.

Unwanted Phone Call

2010-07-12T15:32:00.000-07:00

I've spent more of my adult life on the road than at home. There's sometimes a feeling that you are removed from real life, sometimes it's hard to even imagine that full days and nights are passing at home. One after another, over and over. Maybe it's hard to imagine because it's a mainly unpleasant thought, that there is a whole life at home that you are leaving un-lived.

When the phone rings and it's an unexpected call from home, it's kind of a minor shock to the system, and you can't help but think of worst case scenarios for why someone's calling. Trevor and I have talked about this a lot. How the phone not ringing is kind of a good thing, no news is good news. My mom called around 9am this morning, as we were just beginning our drive from Carbondale, CO to Salt Lake City. And it was not good news.

My dad had passed away about an hour earlier. I guess you can't call it unexpected, as my dad had some serious health problems. But it somehow still feels that way. It's too much to accept that I'll never see him again. I really don't know how to mourn. I want to let go and just, you know, scream or beat up a wall or something. But besides the fact that might get me arrested here at the SLC airport, I don't think I could let myself go that far anyway. Every time I feel the emotion surging, I instinctively push it back down. I can't imagine it's healthy, but I can't imagine enduring the emotion unfettered.

So I just don't know what to do. I just gotta get home and hug my wife and kid, and my mom and my siblings. But honestly, I'm really scared of that too. Cause it's gonna be harder to tamper my emotions around my loved ones, and around people who are feeling the same pain. These next days are gonna hurt.

My dad wasn't a real talker, but I never doubted he was there for me. Not once, ever. Even in my rebellious teenage years, when we argued, I could push things because I knew I could never endanger the love and support I got from him. I remember, almost 20 years ago, my mom was really sick and it was touch and go whether she'd make it. And I was walking somewhere with my dad and I said something about how screwed we were going to be if mom died, how much our family needed her. And of course he agreed with that, but then he did something quite out of character for him, and he held my hand, and he said, "But you'll still have me."

Promise, dad?

Street Musicians

2010-07-08T13:10:00.000-07:00

I was out for a walk through the mean streets of Vancouver with Henry the other day and we walked past this guy singing and playing a little nylon-string guitar. He was probably in his 60’s, with an overgrown beard and long, matted hair. Honestly, from his look and his demeanor, I think he was probably a little crazy. Probably a lot crazy.

I stopped, at first, because the music was familiar but I couldn’t place the song. Turns out it was America’s “All The Lonely People”, but reworked to the point of being barely recognizable. In a good way. (That is, after all, a song that could definitely use a good reworking). It was kind of like a Richie Havens arrangement, and he sang with a distinct voice. Nasal, but pleasing, maybe like a Dave Matthews-Cat Stevens hybrid? He was playing fast and loose with the phrasing and the melody, and flailing at his substandard guitar with an almost abstract abandon.

In short, it was an awesome performance. He must have been a professional musician at some point. He maybe still thought of himself as one, and if he also considered himself an artist I wouldn’t disagree. So I put a bit of money in his (completely empty) tin cup, and Henry and I were on our way.

It got me to thinking, though, about whether I should be giving based on the competence of the musician. If we’re talking about professional (and relatively sane) buskers, then for sure. Donate if you like it, walk on by if you don’t. But this guy is no longer in that category. He is, rather, in the same category as that fiddler you used to see in Gastown, sawing absent-mindedly on a two-stringed violin that probably hadn’t been tuned in a decade. That is to say, how much he needs help (a lot) is completely unrelated to how well he performs.

So. Is it cold -- wrong, even -- to choose who you help based on who can best carry a tune?

Night & Day

2010-07-01T09:37:00.000-07:00

Just save your money and watch some Hart to Hart reruns.

No Governator

2010-06-28T16:32:00.001-07:00

We're about sixty minutes from playing for the wrap up event of the Western Governors Convention up in Whitefish, MT. There are apparently going to be 19 Governors, from 22 States, but Arnie and Maria are last minute no-shows. We figure we'll play anyway.

Halfway There

2010-06-28T16:10:00.001-07:00

Crossed the 500k VPP mark earlier today, which means I'm officially halfway to SuperNova Elite. Can't say it's been a blast so far. Best thing I can say for it is it's much better than having a day job (even if I could find one that paid the same). I actually still enjoy the poker, at least in the main. What gets me down is just the sheer amount of time I have to put in to reach my volume goals. But I guess that's kind of how jobs work.

PACE: C+. I am only about three or four days ahead of SuperNova Elite pace, and I'm fairly certain I'll fall behind a bit over the next month or so as I'll be spending at least half my days on the road with the band. As I originally wanted to hit 1.25m vpp's (that's a virtual impossibility at this point), I guess my pace is somewhat disappointing. But I've had a few factors slow me down (most noticeably switching styles in a way that results in less VPP's/hr), and I've more or less stayed right on Elite pace the entire year. So I'm overall satisfied with this part.

GAME PLAY: C-. Tempted to give myself an F here, seeing as I'm into five figures for actual game play lossees. But given that my bonuses outstrip my losses by a big enough margin that my staker has still seen profit (even though he covers all the game play losses, and only gets a percentage of bonuses), I don't think an F would be fair. How can it be a failing grade when you're playing well enough to make a solidly middle class income? So I was going with a D, but I think I've played quite well the past month, probably on like a C+/B- level. So I upgraded myself all the way to C-.

The reason I am playing so much better (I think, anyway) is I decided to move up from 100 to 200 and drop down from 24 to more like 12-15 tables. In theory I should be getting around the same VPP's/hr (in reality, it definitely works out to less, but kinda close; on the road I actually get more per hour now as bad internet often limited me to that many tables anyway). I just realized I have never had an extended period of posting good results while 24 tabling. Even though I feel like I can handle the pace, the results say otherwise. Playing less tables now, I realize that I was not handling the higher volume well at all. I am now making way less mistakes, and finding spots to be creative. I'm not crushing, but I've had a few weeks of posting a small win rate, and my red line is showing signs of life for the first time in ages.

Often times when I switch up approaches, I seem to play better for a period and then the novelty wears off, so I'm always cautious about thinking I've had a 'breakthrough' or whatever. But I do feel very positive about the second half of the year.

ZipCar

2010-06-24T09:52:00.000-07:00

Tried it yesterday, in advance of possibly getting rid of the car. Brief summary for you:

CONVENIENCE: Pretty much off the charts. There are dozens of cars within a few blocks of us (including some within a block). Once you've booked it, you just go to the car and it's programmed to accept your card to open the locks. While out with the car, you can use your iPhone to lock/unlock it (the keys for the ignition stay in the car at all times). When you're done, you just return the car same place. No paper work, nothing. Only marginally less convenient then taking the elevator down to your own car in the parkade.

COST: For the cheaper car, it's about $10/hr. (You can get a 10% discount with a small monthly commitment, which we would likely do if we sold our car). So let's call it $9/hr. That includes gas. I took it for 3 hours, probably used $10 in gas. So the net cost is around $17. We figure we'll net (conservatively) around $300/month by not owning a car (not counting whatever we get for selling it). So we could use the zipcar for 3 hours a day roughly 17-18 times a month and break even. Seeing that's probably four times as often as we actually would, I'm pretty sure we'll be considerably ahead. Even allowing for the occasional longer trip (the day rate is not that great, if we were going to have a car for a few days I think we'd go with a rental car company).

DOWNSIDES: Well, you have to commit to the amount of time you want the car ahead of time. If you go way under, you don't get a refund. If you go over, there's a hefty late fee. But if the car is not booked by someone else, you can extend it by text at the very last minute for the regular rate. I was late getting back yesterday, but it only cost me $5 to book an extra half hour. When you are booking online you can actually see what cars have bookings later in the day, so you could make sure to book one that is not otherwise claimed and be fairly confident you'll be able to extend if running late.

Also, the car I had was covered in birdshit. It was pretty gross. Otherwise the car was totally fine, if a wee bit non-descript (certainly not remotely baller, but whatever). You can book better cars for a bit more, like an Audi A3 for an extra $5/hr. I assume they keep those parked places with less birds. If I had more time, I would have taken the car I had for a wash. They'll reimburse you for that (and give you $15 for your trouble). There's a lot of stuff like that, trying to encourage the community to take ownership of the cars. Which makes sense and is kinda cool, even the cynical part of me feels like it's just a way for them to have less employees.

Overall I think it's a pretty amazing system. Super easy, reasonably priced. Looks like the family car is a goner.

A Dream Of My Mother's From My Youth

2010-06-20T10:45:00.000-07:00

In her dream, we're at the beach and my mother looks out and sees that me and my sister and my dad are all drowning. And she has to decide who to save. And then she wakes up.

I think I was around six when she told us the dream, because my little brother didn't factor into the equation (it could have been that he was too little to be out swimming, so maybe I was about seven or eight). From memory she had (and related) the dream repeatedly, and would often tell us about it while we were at the beach.

She would always immediately follow it's telling with "of course, it's so silly. I would just rescue Dad and then we would each rescue one of you".

This was undoubtedly meant to be reassuring, but I promise you, it was not. Even at that young age, I was aware that I would likely be a goner by the time they got to me. And besides, if Dad was able to come rescue me, why would he need Mom's rescuing in the first place? No, I knew she could only rescue one, and I was dang sure that wasn't a lottery I was gonna win.

What's interesting to me about it (besides maybe serving as an explanation why I never wanted to see "Sophie's Choice") is that she would make such an apparently misguided decision to burden her six-year old son with her nightmare. Maybe it's possible she was trying to keep me from going out too far. In my most cynical teen years, I entertained the idea it was to make me behave, in a general sense, so as to improve my chances of surviving. But now I think it simply weighed too heavy on her to not speak it.

She obviously knew it was not a particularly great thing to tell her children, and the unrealistic rescue scenario she attached speaks to that. But I think the dream was going to be on her mind literally every moment until she spoke it. Basically, if she wanted to keep it to herself (which she probably did), she had no chance.

I feel like I see that more and more in life. Definitely still in my mother, but also in myself, and in most anyone who I know well at all. Some things people can keep secret. But some things just have to come out. Doesn't matter if they're hurtful, or harmful, or meant to be kept quiet. Or just boring, not funny, really of interest to absolutely no one. There's just no stopping it. If the six year-old gets scared shitless in the process, well, nobody's happy about that. But it couldn't be helped.

Goals

2010-06-18T21:41:00.001-07:00

I'm an hour away from celebrating a milestone birthday. While I'm obviously cynical enough to feel these milestones are almost entirely arbitrary, that the true milestones in our lives don't occur at ten-year intervals, it still seems like a good occasion to set some goals. I'm hampered, happily, by the fact that things are going pretty darn good. And some things that I might find myself wishing for don't ultimately matter. I do have a couple, tho. On or around this time next year, I want to have:

!) run a marathon;
2) finished a novel-length work of fiction.

I have no expectations regarding how fast I run the marathon. And I certainly don't make guarantees as to the quality of the fiction. The goal is just to accomplish these things as best I can.

Oh, and start blogging more again. It's kinda fun, and it's a good break from my routines (day job-free as I am, I still have some pretty repetitive days).

Bachelor Life

2010-06-01T23:32:00.000-07:00

So the wife and kid have spent the last two nights with a handful of other moms and babies at a cabin on one of the nearby islands. A retreat, if you will.

Since the arrival of the little fella, I've been on a normal person's schedule. For the first time in many years, probably since high school (and I rebelled against it pretty hard even then). You know, in bed by around 11pm, with my alarm set for 6:30am. I do have quality interactions with the snooze button pretty much every morning, but even my latest rousing would have been earlier than early in the pre-Henry days.

So I was curious if the schedule would last in the absence of my family. And as I sit here at 11:30pm, wearing only my FullTilt Poker Bathrobe, and eating Kraft Dinner & wieners, I clearly have my answer. Hurry home, babe, before I am further undone!

Cable

2010-05-26T14:50:00.000-07:00

"This house is a fucking prison."

"On Planet Bullshit."

"In The Planet Of This Sucks Camel Dicks."

Do you like yourself some Stepbrothers? It's a pretty terrible/really funny movie, probably more fun to quote than actually watch. And there's a lot better quotes than these, but these words are of the moment. For this is how the boys react when they are told there will be no TV for a week. And less than an hour ago, the man came from Shaw Cable and removed our digital box, officially rendering us a family without cable.

It's pretty major, if you ask me. At least to do it of your own volition. We're not in bankruptcy, and we don't live in an igloo. And I'm a pretty big fan of the television. We probably had ten shows that we were PVR'ing, so it's not like there's nothing good on. And we'll be watching a lot of DVD's, many of them of programs originally aired on television. So it's not like we've gone all hippie commune/batshit crazy. It's just the absent-minded, time-sucking viewing we don't like.

It's all just an experiment anyway. The Canucks are out, the good shows just had their series finales, we'll see how it goes for a bit. Our regular programming may well resume in a couple months.

In the interim, here are some of the motivators:

1) http://www.vancouversun.com/Vancouver+rated+fourth+best+city+world+quality+life/3072680/story.html. (seawall two blocks from our place).

2) http://www.vpl.ca. (massive central branch two blocks from our place)

3) (in our place)

Your cable television is experiencing difficulties. Please do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless. ~Matt Groening, The Simpsons

Damn Canucks

2010-05-08T02:18:00.000-07:00

It’s not over, we’re only down 3-1. And I haven’t lost faith. Well, in a sense I’ve lost faith. In the sense that I think we’re kinda the Chicago Cubs, just sort of destined to not break through. But I haven’t lost faith in the sense that I still care. I mean, we could be down 49-0 in a best of 99 series and I’d still be sweating that 50th game.

But, man it’s frustrating. We looked to be in such good shape going into the third period of Game 2 and since then it’s just been seven periods of hell.

The point of this blog is that twice now on this tour I’ve watched the Canucks lay a home ice egg and then gotten up on stage to play, and I just haven’t quite gotten over my Canuck disappointment in time for the rock and roll show. And so it’s taken me maybe half an hour to shake the bad mood. I just find that so ridiculous. It’s just a hockey game. And man, these are actually the glory days as far as the Canucks go. Normally we’d have been long ago eliminated. It’s been a good year, and by Canucks standards an excellent one. So if a relatively great year results in me pissed off in Missoula, MT for no real good reason, what’s the point of fandom? Just sitting around waiting for the 1 in 30 chance (at best) that this is our year, and accepting the 29 in 30 change that they’ll make me sad?

People mock the ‘bandwagon’ fan, but maybe they have it right. Get excited when things are going great, don’t sweat it too much when they aren’t. Win-win, right? Or maybe more like win-tie.

Otherwise, it’s been a really great tour but kinda heartbreaking to be apart from the family so long. Skype is a mixed blessing. It’s awesome to see them, and pretty amazing when I can actually get Henry to smile at me. But it does make you feel the separation even more acutely. Cannot wait to see them Sunday. I have a strong suspicion hanging with them will take the edge off Game 5, whatever it brings.

So Much To Love In One Photo

2010-05-04T15:05:00.000-07:00

Tampa Bay Airport

2010-04-18T01:17:00.000-07:00

Empty airports feel apocalyptic. Still lit up like it's midday, with countless flashing monitors. Regular announcements plugging the new free WiFi and reminding travelers of smoking regulations. But not a soul. It's fairly creepy, but more than that it's kinda depressing. I'm not entirely sure if being overly tired magnifies or diminishes these impressions. Just, you know, overall, I feel weird. Gonna be a long day.

Live Poker

2010-04-04T17:30:00.000-07:00

So I've played six sessions so far in my return to live cash game poker. Not sure how far I want to pursue it. The upside is the games are a ton softer. And that's kind of it. The downsides are many and varied. Which would seem to make it an easy choice, except the upside is kinda major.

Sadly, the games aren't quite as soft as it first seemed. I guess I got kinda lucky my first couple tables, both in terms of opponents and in terms of the cards falling the right way. There's only been a 2/5 or higher game running about half the time I've been there (they've only run 5/10+ when Brad Booth is there, I guess he's the designated game starter at those stakes). So a lot of the 2/5 regs play 1/2. I wouldn't say there's anybody scary there, but there are a fair number of decent players. Even still, the games are definitely cuddle bear soft compared to similar stakes online.

The two biggest reasons I'm not entirely convinced that I should dedicate myself to working on my live game are variance and convenience. Convenience is kind of obvious. You really can't beat online poker for that. It's only about a ten minute walk for me to the poker room, so that's not really an issue. But it's just a much bigger commitment to take on a live session, and you can't just take a break and watch your son trying to learn how to crawl (for example). Plus, there's a fair number of unlikeable people at the tables.

As for variance, overall it should a bit easier to overcome because my edge is bigger, but the problem of course is that over any given session (or even series of sessions) the sample size is so small that a few bad breaks are tough to overcome. I was reminded of this in a bad way today when I had what must surely be my worst ever session, luck-wise, of live poker. I was all-in seven times as a significant favorite and was sucked out on every single time. Accordingly, my profit for the previous six sessions was wiped out. I was proud of myself for not tilting too much, and it certainly doesn't affect my belief in my ability to make a go at live poker. I definitely think there's a living to be made there. But it does make me wonder if I really want to pursue it, cause sessions like this are just so ridiculous. We'll see, I guess.

Here's four of the seven hands, recapped briefly:

#1. Effective stacks 200BB. I'm in the BB on a straddle hand with QQ. It limps around to SB who goes all-in. Effective stacks are $400. Against this particular opponent, it's a snap call. He has 99 and there's a nine in the window.

#2. Effective stacks 150BB. I open 7c6c OTB, a few callers. Flop is 8c5h2c. Multiway action on the flop, I get all-in with one caller. Guy has 43o. He pairs the 3 on the turn, I don't improve.

#3. Effective stacks 175BB. Get all-in on the flop with AdTd on a Th7d6d board. Villain has KdQd. Flush doesn't arrive, he rivers a K.

#4. Effective stacks 125BB. I have T8, flop is 976. Get all-in versus 85. T on the turn. At least I chopped it, but I still said 'fuck me' when the ten binked.

Preview Review V (with quotes)

2010-03-29T21:07:00.000-07:00

The feature was Hot Tub Time Machine. Boo. Here's your preview review:

Death At A Funeral. Why can't Chris Rock make a funny movie. He's a funny guy. Why can't he pick a script to save his life? It's a mystery. Sample quote from this abysmal looking trailer: "She may be in Grade 12, but that ass is in grad school". US (Upside Score). 2. Only that high cause I'm still giving Tracy Morgan the benefit of the doubt for his fine television work. SS (Secret Score). 4. I mean, I guess there'll be twists. Whatever.

MacGruber. I actually find the SNL skits funny, but they specifically work cause of how brief they are. Extending it to feature length does not sound promising. Still, I think it should be good for some laughs, although the trailer wasn't too promising. Sample quote: "I just took an upper decker in the upstairs bathroom. That's when you do a number two in the water tank instead of the bowl. You look nice." US. 4. Probably too generous a score. SS. 2. Just a hunch, but I'm guessing MacGruber almost ruins the day, before (almost accidentally) saving it.

Get Him To The Greek. The return of Aldous Snow, from the imo very underrated Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Along with Jonah Hill from the same film (although it doesn't seem that he plays the same character). Also the same director. With just that info I'd be pretty pumped, but the trailer was actually a little flat. Fairly predictable gags. Sample quote: (in reference to a character inserting something in his rectum), "if he wants you to put the candy in the jar, you put the candy in the jar". US. 4. I think it might be better than that, but it wasn't in the trailer. SS. 6. It's not a whodunit anyway, and they didn't give too much away past the set up.

The Losers. The beginning of the MacGruber trailer was very similar in tone to the trailer for The Losers. Then you are relieved to realize that it's a farce. Sadly, The Losers is for real. This looks terrible, and (like Chris Rock) I'm really wondering why Idris Elba can't land in a halfway-decent movie. I guess American Gangster was not bad, but other then that. Here's some sample quotes: "The losers know too much, kill them". "Even the best get betrayed". "You want your life back, you're going to have steal it". "I've got a business proposition for you. It's a suicide mission". US. 1. SS. 4. Maybe it gave away more, I was too disinterested to follow the narrative.

Oh Yeah. Poker.

2010-03-27T02:10:00.001-07:00

Originally this blog (generally speaking) was supposed to be mainly a poker blog, but that's fallen by the wayside lately. There's just something about playing 8 hours, 24-tabling, that makes blogging about it a less than attractive proposition. Short-stacking is less interesting anyway, especially as after a 15k hand day it's kinda hard to remember that tricky spot at 7:30 this morning. Further, I work on strategy with my staker, and I have signed a confidentiality agreement with him. So even if I really wanted to get into what the CO's stats would have to be for me to pop 98s from the BB (which I don't), it would probably be a breach of that agreement.

However, if there's one thing that will get a guy motivated to blog about poker, it's a downswing. And I'm on a doozy right now, a real head-scratcher. You'd think you'd get used to that, but you never really do. You do get used to the swings in general, but for some reason I just can't prepare myself for the epic downer that comes around once in a while. Right now I've had about a dozen consecutive losing sessions, and a couple of them were quite big. I've talked to enough poker players that I understand these things just happen, rationally I understand it, but intuitively, on a base level, it still just makes no sense to me. It just doesn't feel right that I can, for a couple months, grind out a slow and steady, (very) small profit. Then suddenly just have the bottom fall out.

I'm about 99% certain it's totally variance, not my play. With SSing, especially, it's easier to be confident of that. My stats haven't changed, and my ranges haven't changed. Just suddenly when I shove with 99 it's TT, with AJ it's AQ. And even more consistently, if I've got AA and the flop's paired and a maniac with a huge range is calling me down? He's got trips. When you're running good, he's paired the other flop card (or has some other totally non-sensical hand).

Actually, I should clarify that 99% thing tho. I DO think my play has worsened the downswing, if only to a small degree. I haven't had any major tilt, but I've definitely been frustrated and I know there's no way that doesn't creep into my play a bit. What I'm 99% sure of is that worse play didn't start the downswing, and worse play is not the major cause of the downswing continuing.

So. Anyway. After this horrid run I'm down about $5k in the actual games for my SSing experience. But I've earned about $50k in vpp's (based on prorating them versus the value of SuperNova Elite; if I don't make SNE they're worth about 30% less). So even in the midst of an epic downswing, the numbers still work for me. Plus, being staked, I'm only impacted by the losses in the games in that I'm not seeing profit from that part of it. I don't have to personally make up the losses, ever. So it's a reasonable income with absolutely zero risk. Which is part of why I won't quit doing it of my own volition.

I may be forced to, tho. Stars is apparently announcing in mid-April what changes they will make to minimum buy-ins. It's possible that could mean the end of SSing as we know it. I'm hearing conflicting things from 'connected' people. My gut feeling is that it will still be possible, but perhaps with a smaller player pool. Nothing we can do but wait and see.

Regardless, as long as my staker wants to put me in the games, I'll keep doing it (for the no-risk financial reasons mentioned before). But I am going to start fitting in a little 100bb poker. I'm starting to really have a craving for slow action, having solid reads on the whole table, knowing game flow, being confident that you have a significant edge in the game. Obviously a lot of the things that got me sucked into poker in the first place are missing when SSing. Don't get me wrong, I still love the game 20bb's deep. And 24 tables at a time. I burn out on 'having' to play, and it's less fun when getting crushed, but overall I still enjoy it. I'd just like a bit more of 'normal' poker. Partly so that if the SS era does fully end I won't be quite as rusty and I'll have a better sense of what I should play next. But also partly just for fun. So I'm gonna start mixing in a couple short sessions a week of live play, and maybe a few sessions playing somewhere in the 4-8 table range on a site other than Stars. Probably start at the 25c game and try to build it up, with no pressure at all. Looking forward to that.

In the meantime, here's some observations after now having SS'ed for five months:

- it's much, much harder than people think. at least 24-tabling. maintaining focus is a big part of the challenge, but there are also plenty of genuinely tough spots, and therefore plenty of opportunities to develop leaks. while there are less decisions to make than in deep stack poker, there is also less room for error. 'great' win rates are, relatively, small, which means a couple leaks can sink you pretty quick;
- you can learn a lot SSing that can be brought back to deep stack poker. i have a much better sense of what kind of hands certain 'stat types' have in their ranges than i used to, just cause i've seen so many showdowns. i've also learned there is more fold equity than i ever thought (in almost any spot), and that people spaz out in completely nonsensical ways more than i thought. pretty much always in the forums now, when people are discussing ranges, i feel like they're not giving 'air' enough credit. even the passive players go crazy every once in a while.

I actually had a bunch more, but it's late and this is long. So maybe later? Peace out.

Transatlanticism

2010-03-25T20:26:00.000-07:00

I don't think the wife and I have a 'song', per se. Of course, it's more than possible that we do, and I've forgotten it. Like how the husbands do in sitcoms. Maybe it's Faith Hill's "This Kiss", or something similarly uninspired.

While I don't think it has official status in our marriage, I can't hear this Death Cab for Cutie song without thinking of Rachel. In the early days we had only had a few dates before I was on the road for like three months, so we basically got to know each other through phone calls and emails. I listened to the album a ton that fall, while we were having our long-distance courtship. The title song is a masterpiece. It's gotta be the most understated yet satisfying slow build in the history of recorded music (and yes, I know I'm prone to hyperbole). And when the "I need you so much closer"s finally give way to the "so come on"s, well, you gotta be dead to not be moved.

The song was a big influence on me. I quasi-pinched the "come on"s with the "hold on"s we put at the end of "Not Long For This World" on the "Smart Kid" CD. But the greater impact was emotional. I was floored by it so many times. Listening to it late at night in the dark on head phones, like a heart sick teenager. It was a bit painful, but a good pain. Cause it was hard being apart but it was exciting to be in love.

And I think about that now, when I hear the song. How great it is to be in love. You know, with somebody great.

The Atlantic was born today and I'll tell you how...
The clouds above opened up and let it out.

I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere
When the water filled every hole.
And thousands upon thousands made an ocean,
Making islands where no island should go.
Oh no.

Those people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.
I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.
The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your door have been silenced forever more.
The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
It seems farther than ever before
Oh no.

I need you so much closer...

So come on, come on...

Better Her Than Me

2010-03-13T13:44:00.001-08:00

The wife has to go get a root canal. Her face is all swelled up (she has Henry style cheeks on one side) and she's in much pain, so she got the emergency dentist appointment and they put her on to the root canal specialist (who gets like $1400 for an hour job -- MBN). Damage will be done Monday.

As much as I'd be willing to take on the pain for her if I could, it really is probably better this way. I mean, this is the woman who gave birth to our (massive) son without so much as an aspirin. Without so much as a hospital bed. And then she giggled holding Henry while they did things I won't mention involving a needle and thread. A little toothache? I mean, come on. Me, on the other hand, should I have a pending root canal? You will not hear the end of it. Yep. Sorry, Hon. This is for the best.

Henry At The Olympics

2010-03-01T23:38:00.001-08:00

The photo is from the Canada-Slovakia women's hockey game. You can see the blue on the right there is part of the press area. It's basically like three sections worth of what are normally prime seats (the 'club' seats, at Canucks games). I'm used to the press being relegated to the highest nether regions of the building, and the good seats being only for paying customers. It's good to be Olympic press, I guess.

Henry didn't get to go to the closing ceremony last night. I don't blame him if he feels ripped off. Katy didn't just get us great seats, she got us great seats in this section where there was amazing catering for the 'Olympic Family'. Man, I like the way those people roll. Is there like a college course you can take to be an IOC member? So we ate and drank too much and had an awesome time, perfect finish to an amazing two weeks. Not sure how the ceremony came off on TV, but in the room it was almost perfect (some of those musical choices down the stretch were head-scratchers, but I was still high off the Neil Young so I could abide).

And our neighborhood was rocking into the wee hours, but nobody smashed anything, and by dawn most people went home. It was strange to walk around today with Hamilton back open to car traffic, and no more traffic cops at every intersection, and no super long line for the SkyTrain. Kinda sad, but I'm also feeling pretty ready to resume normal life...

Gold Medal

2010-02-28T15:23:00.000-08:00

I told many people, over the last week or so, that I was almost hoping Canada wouldn't win the gold medal in hockey. On account of how nuts I thought it would get down here.

Who was I kidding?

In a lifetime of hockey fandom, borderline obsession, this is by far the greatest moment. God bless Sidney Crosby. God bless Canada. God bless hockey.

(and, yes, it is completely beyond belief insane nuts down here. but so far peaceful nuts.)

Brace Yourself

2010-02-28T11:00:00.000-08:00

One hour to the Gold Medal hockey game. I don't even want to think about how nuts it's going to be down here if Canada wins. Last night was the definite peak of two weeks of madness, but I have a feeling it won't compare to what'll happen tonight. I just hope people don't get stupid, win or lose. Anybody who thinks a hockey game is a good reason to riot has got serious issues, but you know, it only takes an idiot or two to get things going.

After the game we're gonna brave the crowds and walk down the couple blocks to BC Place and the Closing Ceremony. Katy came through with the ducats for that one. It's good to know people, thanks Katy! Then hopefully our building's still standing afterwards...

Grandma Dunnet and Harry are coming over to watch the game and then watch Henry while we go to the closing ceremony. He's been a little extra fussy, especially this morning which is strange cause so far he's a morning baby. But then Rachel spotted the white of his first tooth peeking through. So that explains that!

Oh, and I hit the 20% mark in my pursuit of Elite. Pretty happy I managed to stay ahead of pace amidst the Olympic madness. (with the cash we've been blowing through entertaining and whatnot, I kinda had no choice).

Five Free Minutes

2010-02-22T20:48:00.001-08:00

Haven't had 'em in at least ten days.

This City Has Gone Nuts

2010-02-14T21:08:00.001-08:00

Honestly. If you like crowds, or if you're the partying type, you should just get on a plane and come here. Obviously no hope in hell of getting a hotel room, but we'll figure something out. We don't have a spare bed anymore, cause we got rid of it to make Henry's bedroom a proper nursery, but you can maybe sleep in our car in the underground garage?

Yesterday we went to the women's hockey game between Canada and Slovakia. It was 18-0 for Canada. I was feeling bad for the Slovakians (I think pretty much everybody there with even an ounce of heart was), but at the end of the game they all skated around and raised their sticks to the crowd. And the crowd went absolutely nuts for them, I mean ballistic. And I realized that this was probably the greatest moment of most of their lives, playing in an NHL rink in front of 18k huge hockey fans. And I didn't feel bad for them anymore.

Then we went down to try and see Wilco at LiveCity, the free music venue two blocks down from the condo. It was, literally, the longest line I have seen in my life. Maybe a kilometer long, and ten people wide. As we told our friends who were thinking of coming down, imagine the longest line you have ever seen, and multiply it by five.

So no Wilco for us, but otherwise it's been awesome so far. The city is way more packed and excited than I expected it to be, and I was expecting a lot.

Henry As Day Patient

2010-02-11T20:32:00.000-08:00

Babies should not have to go to hospitals, of course. But seeing that they sometimes do, thank God for the Vancouver Women's & Children's Hospital.

Our pride and joy had not one but two hernias (apparently not uncommon among male babies, something to do with the testicles descending -- true story!) This week the time finally came to get that fixed. It was stressful, but they are pretty amazing at the place. The surgery took less than an hour and the care before and after was incredible. And now, Henry has no hernias!

Preview Review IV

2010-02-11T19:11:00.000-08:00

Grandma Dunnet came over yesterday so the wife and I became the last people in the western world to go see Avatar. It was pretty much exactly what I expected. Probably the most impressive thing I've ever seen, in terms of the visuals or special effects or whatever. And the script left no cliche unturned. I didn't think the story was that terrible, but man, the dialogue. Can't he hire someone to help him with that? Of course, when your last two movies are the two top-grossing movies of all time, you can probably be forgiven for not thinking you need help.

Anyway, I don't know if it was just because I hadn't been to the movies in quite a while, but I thought the previews looked, as a group, terrific. Easily the best bunch I've been able to bring you in the Preview Review.

SALT -- Angelina Jolie is sorta becoming the female George Clooney, imo. And not just for the endless off-screen campaigning. She mixes up her film choices pretty good between quirky stuff and very mainstream fare. And her movies always look like they'll be good, but I'm not sure she's ever made a great one. This movie falls into the very mainstream category, and it certainly doesn't look like it will be her first great movie. But it definitely looks fun. SS (secret score) 5. US (upside score) 6.

ALICE IN WONDERLAND -- I've been seeing those posters with the demented looking Johnny Depp for quite a while, and had absolutely zero interest in this movie. But the trailer flat out kicked ass. SS 4. Didn't give away THAT much, but the visuals are kind of the main point, and it sure gave those away). US 8. "It Might Get Loud" was the last trailer that increased my interest in seeing a movie this much.

ROBIN HOOD -- It is, in my opinion, patently absurd to have hard rock as the sound track to this trailer, given that it looks like it's trying to be somewhat authentic. But whatever, it's the movies, and it gets your heart pumping. Russell Crowe looks like he'll be to Kevin Costner's Robin Hood what Christian Bale was to Michael Keaton's Batman. Like, way better. SS 5. Doesn't really give away that much, but, you know, it's Robin Hood. US 8. Crowe is the anti-George Clooney. Unlikeable as all get out, but his movies are somehow always better than you think they will be.

KNIGHT AND DAY -- Terrible name. And it sounds terrible on paper. Tom Cruise is some kind of ninja-Green Beret-Men In Black-assassin-we're not sure, who gets tangled up with an unwilling Cameron Diaz, and they play cute when they're not getting shot at while driving 100 mph or on an airliner. Actually, they even play cute when that's happening. Yet for some reason, watching the preview, I was like, I wish that was playing right now. Fuck Avatar! That hasn't happened since Don King and I were at Billy Bathgate and saw a preview for Whore starting Teresa Russell and left the theater to go to it instead (I'd call it a mistake, cause Whore was dreadful, but Billy Bathgate was no screaming blue messiah either). SS 6. A lot of the money shots are clearly in the trailer, and it's not too hard to guess a lot of the plot, but at the same time I still don't know who Tom Cruise is supposed to be (is he Knight, or Day?) US 7.5. I'm starting to feel like a real slut to the mainstream. I'm probably setting myself up for disappointment, but I think this looks really good.

PERCY JACKSON -- Actually, this has a really long title. Olympians and something about Zeus maybe? I guess it's the new Harry Potter. Is that right? While I can't get too excited about this type of thing, it does look like they've done an excellent job. Maybe a little less goth than HP, which is good, but maybe a little less inspired as well. SS 6. US 6.

Olympic Fever

2010-02-01T20:36:00.000-08:00

Man, you have no idea how much I loved the Olympics when I was a kid. I used to go the library and check out "History Of The Olympics" type books and read about Jesse Owens and Peggy Fleming and count up how many medals Canada had won over the years (that didn't take too long). I don't think too many other young boys of my time considered Percy Williams a personal hero.

I haven't really felt the excitement over the Olympics in quite a while. I mean, I'll watch. But it's hard not to get jaded in this day and age of information overload. But this week, with just a couple weeks remaining until the Vancouver Winter Olympics get under way, I officially caught Olympic Fever. I'm pumped!

It all happened last Wednesday. Rachel had been chosen to be a torch bearer as the Olympic Flame relayed its way through Kamloops, so we headed up there with Henry and Rachel's sister Katy. My sister and her kids came up too. I expected it to be cool, but honestly, it was fucking awesome! Basically the whole city came out and lined the streets (and then the football stadium where they lit the cauldron in a big ceremony at the end of the day, with bands and celebs and whatnot). It really was an electric environment. When it was Rachel's turn I completely forgot myself. I ran across the police line keeping people on the sidewalk so I could get pictures of her from the other side. I almost got run over by some kind of Olympic vehicle, and when I looked behind me my nine year-old niece Bethany was almost suffering a similar fate. So I grabbed her and we ran the rest of Rachel's stretch hand-in-hand while trying to snap pictures. So I'm the fun uncle, not the responsible one. I can live with that. I hate to use the word "magical" in the same paragraph I use the word "electric", and I promise this type of behavior will not occur regularly in this spot. But sorry. It was magical.

I've also been getting pumped just by the transformation happening in this city. You can't walk anywhere down town or around the sea wall without beginning to realize just how big a deal this is going to be. I live right in the middle of it, in a 16th floor condo. I can look out my den/poker office and see Hamilton Street, which will be closed off to only pedestrians for the length of the games. It's gonna be a zoo, and I really couldn't be more excited.

10% Done

2010-02-01T20:20:00.001-08:00

Over 10%, actually.

Of course I'm referring to my (ill-advised?) pursuit of SuperNova Elite. I finished January safely past 100K vpp's in my pursuit of a million of the suckers. I'm well ahead of pace, and just behind pace for my unofficial goal of 1.25M vpp's (which is worth about an extra $30k compared to just the 1M).

It's going pretty good, I guess. Yeah, I'm really sick of poker, but I'm pretty sure I'm less sick of it then I would be of any other job. It's kinda how it always was, really. Fun when you're hitting flops and dragging pots (that should be on a t-shirt), and no so much when not. Only difference is, when I put in an 8-hour day and I'm running like shit the whole time, that's a fresh new hell.

It's starting to look more and more, btw, like Stars might change the min buy-ins to discourage short-stacking. If you didn't know, I have been SS"ing the last couple months . When I let that slip on cardplayer, btw, I got a few emails/PM's asking me follow up questions, and I promised to address it all in a blog. Only I haven't. So I will soon. I've just been sucking on blogging this month in general, and haven't really had a desire to write a poker blog especially after eight hours 24-tabling.

But I was saying, it looks like Stars might raise the min buy-in. I say might, cause they're not saying anything about it. But I would have thought it close to impossible a few months ago, and now it's at least possible. I have mixed feelings about that, should it come to pass. I am actually enjoying SS"ing, and there is definitely more to it then people think (again, I'll address this in an exciting blog down the road). I'm trying to get better at it, and even though I've been a loser in the game so far I'm way, way ahead after bonuses. So it's kind of low stress that way. I think I can start beating the games, but if I don't I still get paid (so long as I don't fall so far as to have my losses start being a significant portion of the bonuses -- that doesn't seem likely).

But on the other hand, I recognize why people think it's bad for the game. And I had never even tried it in my life before a few months ago, so I'm not really too stressed about having to abandon it. Basically I think if Stars studies it and feels that it will eventually lead to the games drying up in a significant way, then they should go ahead and make the change. But if they think the games will continue to thrive (which, in terms of numbers, they surely are doing now) then I don't think they should cave to the very vocal minority of full-stackers who are currently waging a propaganda war on SS'ers something fierce. It'll be interesting to see what happens over the next few months.

Playing 8 hours a day I sure notice the A game, B game, C game thing. The biggest challenge is staying focused, and I'm getting better at it (one of many things from SS'ing that will help my full stack game when I return to it). Today I was in the BB with 73o. UTG limped everyone else folded. Flop came 763r and I donked. Turn was the worst, another 6. I c/c'd his small bet. River was a random broadway card. I checked and he made another small bet. I thought I was rarely good, but this guy had given clear indications he didn't have a clue and I had really good pot odds so I called. He had 63 for the boat, only I dragged the pot. It seriously took me like 30 seconds to realize that the flop had actually been 733, so I had flopped 3's full of 7's and he had turned 3's full of 6's. FML, time for a break.

Henry As Bruiser

2010-01-31T21:04:00.001-08:00

The boy remains in the 90's, percentile wise, for both height and weight. Power forward, I guess?

Big news is that he has his own bed now, and he is sleeping in the other room. It's only been a few nights but so far he's sleeping hard for, like, at least seven hours. That changes things around here a lot. We have some evening time to just chill out, and we have our bedroom back to ourselves. I feel like a new man.

Fallegro

2010-01-16T18:18:00.000-08:00

Before the gig yesterday Trevor and I stopped in at this wine bar that is owned/operated by a coulpe who are supporters of the band. Turns out they have a young son as well (middle name Henry), so that's pretty much all we talked about.

We let Brett choose what to pour us (you wanna buy us a glass, you can pick the bottle) and I really loved what he chose. The bottle is called Fallegro, and it's made by an Italian winemaker named Gagliardo. I *think* he said the varietal was favorita, but I could be misremembering. It was delicious, kinda like a cross between a pinot and a riesling. But, you know, really good. Plus the bottle looked nice, so Brett sold me a couple for his cost (I'm only allowed to bring two back across the border without paying duty).

Of course, I can't really say it was my first drink of the evening, it might have tasted different if it was. I plan on finding out at home this week.

Tie-Die Everything

2010-01-16T18:10:00.001-08:00

Open the door to my palacial suite here at the Royal Motor Inn in Moscow, Idaho, and you can see the Tie-Dye Everything store. That place has been there as long as we have been coming to Moscow. I do not understand how an exclusively tie-dye store can survive in a small town (or, really, anywhere). So without any knowledge whatsoever of its situation, I have to say I'm impressed that the Tie-Dye Everything store continues to exist.

Kudos, Tie-Dye Everything store, kudos! (Unless you are just a front for something illicit, in which case, F'shame, Tie-Dye Everything Store, f'shame).

Preview Review V

2010-01-14T21:04:00.000-08:00

Grandma had Henry under control, so Rachel & I escaped to the motion picture's the other night. The feature presentation was "Youth In Revolt", the new Michael Cera offering. It was pretty much exactly what I expected, which almost never happens. In a good way, mainly. Nothing amazing, but pretty thoroughly amusing.

My favorite scene was when he's at this French Immersion school, and he keeps asking people questions, but they won't speak to him in English. And he says, "Are you fucking serious?" It's not the greatest line ever, but the delivery kicks ass and I laughed for about the next five minutes.

You know, people talk a lot about whether Michael Cera will last, if he'll be able to develop some range. And I understand that concern, and why lots of people think he won't be able to, that he'll go the way of Jon Heder soon enough. This movie doesn't really offer all that much to show he'll be able to break out, but he has made pretty much every movie he's been in funnier than it really should have been. So for now I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Zach whatever his name is, from The Hangover, definitely showed some range. First time I've seen him not play the sort of lovable weirdo/goofball. He was just kind of a a prick in this one.

Anyway, that was just the main feature. Of course, the main reason you go to the movies is for the previews. So without further ado, here you have the fifth installment of the Preview Review. There's Upside Score (US), which is how good the movie looks like it might be, and Secret Score (SS), which is how much the preview managed to keep some small amount of plot hidden. I think this is the worst selection of trailers I've seen since I started The Preview Review. Sorry I don't have better news.

BOUNTY HUNTER -- the money scene in the trailer is when Jennifer Aniston punches Gerard Butler in the groin. I shit you not. US 1.5. Gets a half point for using "Hang Fire" as the background music. SS 4.

SHE'S OUT OF MY LEAGUE -- basically all the guys who were in Knocked Up get a chance to be the lead in at least one movie. This looks like the weakest one so far. Kind of looks like a John Hughes movie, and there's a reason they stopped making those. Well, I guess partly because he's dead. But even before that, I mean that style of movie. Done like dinner. US 2. SS 5.

COP OUT -- What fucking year is this? Black cop white cop piss off the police captain but solve the case while dispensing a mix of hilarious hijinx and high-paced action. The police captain in this one actually says, and I wrote it down, "There's a right way to do police work, then there's the way you do it." That's a line. Not just a throwaway line in this piece of shit-looking movie. It actually made it into the preview. Now, there is a chance that the whole thing's a level, it's all a send-up of 80's style buddy cop movies. In which case, I guess it should be judged differently. I don't think so, but here's hoping. US 2. Only avoids a 1 because Tracy Jordan's pretty funny in a scene where he refuses to say "who's there" after Seann William Scott's "knock knock". SS 4.

CLASH OF THE TITANS -- I. Could. Not. Care. Less. US n/a (on account of I just don't care). SS n/a (on account of I just don't care).

DEAR JOHN -- okay, I admit this one looks not bad as far as 'movies for girls' go. Trailer does a good job of giving you the low-down without spoiling too much (although maybe not that much happens). US 5. SS 7.

THE SCARIES -- standard horror movie stuff. maybe it's Zombies, I'm not sure. US 3. If you like scary movies it probably deserves higher than that. SS 4. People die, mainly in gruesome fashion.

All-In EV and The Bunching Effect

2010-01-10T23:28:00.000-08:00

Let's just say (as an example) that in blind battles, or button vs blind battles, in hands where it gets to the button or the blinds unopened, you'll pretty much always get it in with AT+, maybe A7s+. And let's say your buddy will go with only his best Aces but will get it in with any pocket pair. You are going to run better, over the long run, in all-in EV than your buddy.

Because, on average, there will have been more opens from earlier positions by people with aces in their hands than any other card. So in this situation, where no one has opened yet, you'll have more than your share of aces left in the deck, and he'll have less than his share of cards to make sets.

Let's say AJo v 77, AIPF. AJo has 45.352% equity (a bit lower than people tend to think -- if you switch it to suited it gets up to about 48%).

Now, if we remove one of the two remaining sevens in the deck, AJo climbs all the way up to 50.04%. That's a pretty big difference, considering we're not really thinking about avoiding a set when those cards get turned over.

Now, if it's a fullring game and seven players folded before the action started, and none of them had an Ace? With 14 non-Ace cards removed, the AJ0 gets a slightly bigger bump, up about five points to 50.685%. If we make one of those removed cards a seven, it surges all the way to a 57.166% favorite.

So, just based on card removal, the hand can pick up about 12% in equity. Meanwhile, all-in EV continues to calculate your equity in the pot based on all cards being available. So, over not much time at all, the person with AJo will begin to seem luckier than the person with 77, as he drags a higher percentage of pots than the (thought to be infallible) EV calculator predicts he will.

Of course this has all been extreme. I didn't take out any J's, either, which is just basically wrong. And there will sometimes be Aces in the muck, just like often there won't be any 7's there. So the actual impact of card removal is obviously far less than 12%. But it's definitely far greater than 0%, too. Which means a player's style can affect how well they run in all-in EV (as calculated by HEM, or similar programs).

I have no idea if in reality there would be many instances where a player's style deviates from averages enough to start having card removal really affect how he runs in a meaningful way, but I now know that, theoretically at least, it's possible.

The Dansey Dream

2010-01-02T23:42:00.001-08:00

When I was about 10 or 11 my parents bought this property on Dansey Avenue in Coquitlam and built a big house there. We only lived there a year or so but I have some really distinct memories from that time.

One time my friend James Baldwin came over and he said, 'this place is massive, do you have a maid to clean it up?' But I thought he said 'do you have it made to clean it up?' which made no sense so I said, 'uh, sort of'. And he said, 'oh, like once a week or something?' Which gave me context to understand what he had said. I was too embarrassed to backtrack, so I just said, 'yeah'. We didn't have a maid. I'm sure it's not the first lie I ever told but it's the first one I can remember.

One time my friend Craig Bateman came over for a sleepover, and we were determined to stay up all night no matter what. I remember kicking the soccer ball against the brick half wall by the garage, really late. And I remember waking up sprawled out on the stairs. Why would I pass out on the stairs?

One time I came home from Lord Baden Powell Elementary to make myself lunch, tomato soup, and I left the stove on with the pot on the stove. I can vividly remember how awful it smelled when I got home. I picked the pot up and the whole bottom of it just disintegrated. I was stressed out.

One time my brother and I had a bunch of holly that grew on this other property my parents owned, and we put it in lunch bags and went door to door and sold it. It was Christmas time. My brother would have been like five. I can remember it was a quarter a bag and sales were brisk.

One time I had to go to the doctor and have my toe nail pulled off because I had an ingrown toenail and that's the best they could do for it, so I got to stay home for a couple days after that and my parents got me PacMan for Atari.

One time I cried like a baby up in the laundry room that overlooked the backyard when people came to pick up our dog, Shondi, who we couldn't keep cause the yard wasn't big enough for her (that was the line anyway). The lady who bought the dog came and tried to cheer me up but mainly she just embarrassed me. Ten year old boys are young enough to sob over losing their dogs, but old enough to not want strange ladies to see them doing it.

The reason all this came up is lately I've been thinking about this recurring dream I used to have based around that house. I don't know when I had it last, it's been a long, long time, but it persisted for years after we had moved. The living room was two stories high, and was overlooked by the hallway to the bedrooms on the second floor. There was a railing to keep you from tumbling to your death. And when the house was being built we would go check on the progress, and the railing wasn't there yet, so we were made aware of the extreme caution required if traversing that hallway.

Anyway, in the dream my mom falls to her death and we're all there. My brother stands there, shocked, like he can't fathom what has happened. My sister is hysterical. My dad grabs my sister and says, 'don't be such a baby'. Every time. Every time I had the dream, that's what he said.

Henry As Door Stopper

2009-12-26T22:44:00.001-08:00

The family home of my youth features some sloped ceilings. In my bedroom, and in the hallway outside my room and my sister's room, tall people can inflict serious damage on themselves if they are not mindful. And as mindfulness is not a personal forte, inflict I did. You hear it before you feel it, then it starts to hurt and if it's a bad one you hear some ringing. Then you say 'fuck me'. Then you go to school, probably mildly concussed.

I do sometimes reflect on what I might have accomplished with my life if I hadn't killed a bushel of brain cells every other morning for years and years. I don't think I found Chris Elliott hilarious until I was tall enough to crack my head on that ceiling, so that tells you something right there.

Wanting my son to have every opportunity, I do endeavor to protect his noggin as much as possible. Especially now, you know, when he's got that baby soft skull thing going on. From friends who have kids, and from the interwebz, I've heard some scary stories of dropped babies, vicious falls, etc. And while I know bumps and bruises (and mild concussions) are ultimately inevitable, so far we've been pretty lucky.

I had my first incident a couple days ago. Henry and I were out shopping for our old ladies. I had him strapped to the front of me in the new fancy carrier that I don't really like (I still prefer the Baby Bjorn). I had bags in both my hands, and we were leaving the mall. Somebody half held the door for me, but not really, so we weren't going to make it through. As my hands were full, I instinctually turned my shoulder into the closing door. If I hadn't lost all those brain cells back in the day I likely would not have made this mistake, but in my diminished state it didn't dawn on me that what would hit the door first was Henry's tender head.

I'm not sure if it's the most sickening sound I've heard in my life, but it's gotta be Top Three. I felt nauseous, literally. But the boy, tough as nails, barely stirred. And reconstructing it I think my shoulder hit at the same time, so not all the pressure of the door was on him. But still. It sucked.

Not entirely unrelated, one bad thing about winter is I strap the son onto my front and then my big winter jacket goes all the way around him and gets zipped up over his head. So instead of people seeing that I'm carrying this impossibly cute little guy, it just looks like I've got a massive and extremely odd-shaped stomach. It's simply terrible for meeting chicks.

In This Blog I Bitch About Tournaments

2009-12-26T20:38:00.000-08:00

I think it must take a very specific temperament to play a ton of tournaments. The pain from beats in cash games is cumulative. Even the worst of beats, in the biggest of pots, are only really that painful if you're already having a terrible session. Or I guess if you're playing outside of your bankroll, but that's a different issue.

Tourneys, alternatively, can deliver beats that not only cost you money but render hours and hours of work futile. In one hand. One terrible card can ruin your life.

I played the Supernova Freeroll today. And before I complain, I will point out that part of the reason I had a big stack with only about 5% of the field remaining was because I gave someone a beat shortly after we made the money. A loose player had raised in fairly late position, and I had A2 OTB. I had him covered maybe 3 to 2, and I thought I had just tons of fold equity, so I decided to raise (there was not room to raise/fold, ftr, I was committed). He turned over AK, and a deuce was the first card out. He didn't improve. I know that's a painful way for him to go, because AK feels like such a strong hand and A2 feels like a joke. I don't think I played the hand wrong, but it had to sting.

So it's not about luck or fairness or anything. It's just the viciousness of poker. He felt it there, and I felt it later. On my first trouble hand I again had about a 3 to 2 chip edge over my combatant, and I had AK of hearts. It got all-in preflop, he had AT, and this time a ten is the first card out. By the turn I had a gutshot, plus my king was still live, plus a flush draw. So 15 outs. But no dice. I would have been chip leader, but instead I was reeling.

Couple hands later my AJ>Q4 AIPF (he had a straight by the turn) and I was done. I "should" have been chip leader after that AK hand, and instead I'm out in 90-something. Working your way through a 2500 person tournament just to have one lowly ten take away the potential huge cash (I still had an okay cash, especially considering it's a freeroll, but all the decent money's at the final table). I do love tournaments, but I really don't know how people can handle them being their main source of poker income. Maybe that's why Shaun Deeb retired?

Rub One Out

2009-12-26T20:32:00.001-08:00

Has that phrase been around forever? I swear I'd never heard it a year ago. And lately, it's everywhere. Pop culture references abound (Vera Farmiga suggests George Clooney do just that in "Up In The Air", for example). And my very own wife, the mother of my child, dropped the phrase casually just the other day.

Actually, I'm glad she used it. It's so much better than the alternatives. When I was growing up, you had your goofy inanities ("make the bald man cry", for example), or your violent vulgarities (any number of phrases ending with "off": jerk, whack, jack, beat). Neither camp boasts any enticing options. Rub one out, on the other hand, seems practically classy by comparison. So I'm all for it. I just wanna know when it came to be. Have I been living under a rock, oblivious to the latest trends in masturbatory terminology, or is it new?

Anyway. Happy Holidays.

Best. Gift. Ever.

2009-12-19T17:18:00.000-08:00

It's Rachel's 32nd birthday today. I'll always remember how old she was when we first started dating cause of this exchange I had with my banker. I don't know how, but my 'new' girlfriend came up. And the guy asked how old she was. And I said, "27". To which he replied, "niii-iiiice". And gave me a fist bump. It was kind of strange and inappropriate but greatly amusing.

We went to "Up In The Air" last week. Even though it opens most places Christmas Day, for some reason Vancouver got it a couple weeks early. And it's really quite good. But anyway, there's a scene where one character tells another that all life's best moments are shared, that you don't really have any favorite memories where you're alone. So I tried to think of my favorite moments and I realized that not only are they all shared, they are all shared with Rachel. Not just the Henry-centric ones, all kinds of 'em from pretty much every stage of our still relatively brief life together.

Not to overstate it, but it does feel like my days started when I met her. Or at the very least, started anew. When I try to think of favorite memories from before we met (most of which are centered around the band -- particularly great gigs, signing the record deal, making a big budget video) they feel more like scenes from a movie. Whereas when I think of time shared with Rachel, I can still feel the moments, I can relive them as opposed to just reviewing them.

Like this one time. Rachel, who has no music training, started surreptitiously taking guitar lessons. And, simultaneously, surreptitiously taking voice lessons. So that one day, while we were just sitting around she picked up my guitar, and with no preamble, without so much as a throat-clearing, sang and played for me the most beautiful song I ever heard, before or since.

At the time I was just stunned. I mean, partly because I knew she didn't play guitar or sing and yet here she was doing both exceedingly well (that's a WTF? moment if ever there was one). But mainly because this impossibly perfect moment had just arrived unannounced in my life.

Best gift I ever got, by far. There's nobody else who could have given it to me. There's no other woman that could have impacted me the way she did (and does). There's no other woman on God's green earth for me.

Oh, and this year, for her birthday, I got her a coat.

Henry As Little Dictator

2009-12-17T20:45:00.001-08:00

Don't let the fact he can bathe in a sink fool you. Henry Lawrence Jonat is large (well, for his age) and in charge. My sister, whose two children are both well past the up all night stage, was asking how things were going. And I was sort of explaining Henry's disruptive influence. She said something like, 'right, you have a little dictator living with you'. In a loving way. From experience, like.

And it's true. God bless him, he's the best thing that ever happened to me (only his mother even comes close), but he is running this household. It's always been a struggle for me, anyway, to create structure in my life. I rail against it at the same time as I crave it. But this is pretty nuts even for me. I can't even imagine what it's like for Rachel, who used to be about regular bed times and early morning workouts.

I'm not gonna give away too many of his secrets lest I embarrass him (although the bathing pic probably did that trick anyway). But while he's high maintenance, he's generally a pretty easily pleased young man. Epic fussiness generally only rears its head sometime between, say, 11pm and maybe 5am. Yes, it is happening big time as I write. Which means I better wrap it up and offer some assistance. See, now he's even affecting your lives, gentle readers. Little dictator indeed.

Tiger's Fall

2009-12-13T15:22:00.000-08:00

It's the lead story on ESPN.com that Accenture just dropped its sponsorship of Tiger Woods. On NFL Sunday, even, that gets big play.

It's, of course, ridiculous that Tiger has gotten to be worth over a billion dollars just for being good at golf. But was any of that money really for being a good guy? There have certainly been enough grumbles from the PGA Tour to indicate he's probably a bit (or maybe a lot) of a prick. And nobody really cares cause he crushes on the course. But Accenture, which is the type of company that you could never explain to a child ('But what do they sell?' - 'Uh, like, they sell money-making, I think'), the type of company you expect Michael Moore to make a movie about, suddenly can't deign to be represented by an adulterer. Or, more accurately, a publicly-exposed adulterer.

Obviously I get it. It's about image, and he's pretty much a walking punch line right now. So you can't really blame Accenture. But the whole story is just rank with hypocrisy, from near every corner, going back well over 10 years. At least as long as 'Tiger Woods Inc.' has been around. And, in a broader sense, kind of like forever. I don't feel too bad for Tiger, per se, but I do think if we humans were less eager to pounce on each other when we falter, we'd be a little bit less of a cosmic joke.

Preview Review III

2009-12-12T02:46:00.000-08:00

Been to a couple movies lately. Henry's at an age where you can just have him along. If he gets upset, either you or your wife get up and take him to (worst case) the lobby or (best case) the entrance area of the theater and calm his baby ass down. People tell us to take advantage of this because it won't be long before he's too old/active to just view him as an accessory. Soon enough I won't even be able to watch my favorite television shows while he's awake. I shudder to think of it. But while that day may be fast approaching, it is not yet nigh. So I'll just put it out of mind for the time being.

Before I get to the trailers, let me tell you quickly about the two features. They were definitive proof of the 'it's best to go to a movie expecting it to be shit' theorem.

"Men Who Stare At Goats", which looked tremendously promising, was dull and self-conscious (yes, we get it, you used the word Jedi and Ewan MacGregor was in Star Wars). The highlight of the whole movie was when Rachel recognized that one of the guys was 'Ron' from 'Parks And Recreation'. Nice catch, honey! Speaking of which, that show is finding it's stride. Give it a second chance.

And tonight we went to the new installment of that "Twilight" thing, and while Edward might be the most fey hero in the history of motion pictures, the whole thing was entertaining enough. I think if I had not expected it to suck, I would have thought it did. But as I did, I didn't.

Now onto the previews. Scores are for the trailer's ability to conceal decent amounts of plot (Secret Score -- SS) and for whether it seems like the movie itself might be any good (Upside Score -- US). There's a bunch of 'em cause they're from two different trips to the cinema. I'll try to be brief.

Up In The Air -- George Clooney movies often look like they'll be great, and most of the time they end up being just kinda cute. The best ones are generally the ones where Clooney wears a suit (like 'Michael Clayton', and 'Good Night And Good Luck'). As he is frequently besuited throughout the trailer, I have high hopes. SS 5. US 8.

Avatar -- Man, that was a long trailer. Totally not my type of movie, but it does look epic. SS 3. US 6.

Extraordinary Measures -- Brendan Fraser is a Dad whose kids are sick. Harrison Ford is the eccentric genius who might have a cure. Honestly, I don't think there will be a scene in this thing you can't imagine right now if you think it through for a sec. Still, looks well-enough done, so if you're looking for tears of sadness followed by tears of joy, you're probably in luck. SS 4. US 3.

Valentine's Day -- All-star cast. One of those 'Love Actually' style things where seemingly unrelated stories have some kind of link (the girl from Story A is the guy from Story B's sister, and he dated the girl from Story C in College, and she works for the couple in Story D). This is the type of movie that's enjoyable and you like it but you never think of it for a minute before or after seeing it. And then later you meet somebody and they tell you it's their favorite movie of all time. And you are dumbfounded. You really just cannot fathom it. SS 5. US 5.

Invictus -- How did Clint Eastwood get so good? Honestly, he's probably the number one 'must see' director going right now. People forget how recently he was making crap (as an actor). What was that one where Jeff Bridges was the bad guy. Really? Jeff Bridges? But suddenly he can't make a misstep. This thing looks awesome (uh oh, high expectations). SS 5 US 9.

Leap Year -- Amy Adams is charming and fun but if this movie is as bad as it looks that's going to be two strikes (Julie & Julia being the first -- the movie wasn't that bad, just she was). She might want to get some help script reading or something. SS 3. US 2.

When In Rome -- Some actors with decent track records for being funny didn't come close to saving this trailer. Hopefully they do more for the actual movie. SS 2. US 1.

The Morgans -- Not sure about the whole title, something about the Morgans. Looks like it could be a career nadir for both Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant. Speaking of Sarah, remember her in LA Story? She looked like she was going to be a breakout star, and I guess she was, but really only because of Sex & The City (which, imo, is good in spite of her). SS 3. US 1.

Letters To Juliet -- This actually looks halfway decent, as far as movies for girls go, but it's the worst preview I've ever seen for giving away the whole damn thing. SS 1 US 5.

Remember Me -- The Twilight guy looking at least somewhat less fey, an edgy Pierce Brosnan (who can be good), and the always great Chris Cooper. Looks promising. SS 5. US 7.

You Don't Know Swings

2009-12-08T23:58:00.001-08:00

Isildur, the recent arrival on the highstakes poker scene (besides the fact that he's from Sweden, nobody seems to know anything about him -- not even his real name) lost 4.2 million dollars in a heads up session with Brian Hastings this evening.

Since he arrived on the scene, or more specifically since he took about $5 million off Durrrr and then redistributed it amongst other high stakes player, it's been almost impossible to follow the high stakes action. Just too much of it. The thread at 2+2 that posts HH's (amidst totally inane comments and petty bickering between posters) can have 1000 new posts within a few hours. I love that thread, but I can't give it that kind of time. So mainly now I only indulge the poker fanboy in me by checking the 'last 24 hours' results at highstakesdb once or twice a day.

http://www.highstakesdb.com/live-results.aspx

Most people who make the list tend to be up or down five figures, but the true degen's come up with some sick numbers. Today I checked it in the afternoon and Isildur was up about $1,000,000. Checked later tonight, and he's down over $3,000,000. I don't know what he's worth, but I'm fairly confident that represents a majority of it.

It's hard to understand how people who are so great at poker are still willing to put themselves in spots where a bad run of luck can wipe them out. In one fucking session! I know people will say you have to have that gamble in you to be among the greats, but that's just not true. You gotta have some gamble, of course, but you can have common sense too.

The poker internerds are predictably going nuts for Isildur. Like they think the fact he has lost all the money he took off Durrrr (and then some) somehow increases his poker greatness. What a moronic thing to think.

Henry As Winter Baby

2009-12-07T13:15:00.001-08:00

Leonard Cohen

2009-12-06T16:37:00.000-08:00

I listened to him all day today while grinding. Listening to him even now. Man, he's got some great songs. Like a lot of singular artists, when you're listening to him you think, 'man, this is all I want to listen to, every day, for the rest of my life'. Then after a while, suddenly, you're done, and you don't feel like listening to him for about three months.

But anyway, today I definitely felt like hearing Leonard Cohen. It's funny how his voice changed over the years. On the early records he sings just kind of plainly, I guess maybe a little earnestly, but really kinda flat (not tonally, although sometimes that too). Then he slowly shifts towards where he ends up, which is that low croak thing he does now. That voice transformation is one of many ways he's a lot like Dylan. How they both started out as fairly normal singers and moved towards something that would undeniably be considered 'worse', in an American Idol sense. Although Dylan didn't get lower-pitched, he just got more and more, uh, Dylanesque. But they both moved decidedly away from melody. Strange.

I remember watching the Juno's, must be at least fifteen years ago, with my Dad. And Leonard Cohen sang his great song "Closing Time". The vocal performance was suitably terrible. And then just moments later, he was awarded the Juno for best Male vocalist. And my Dad laughed and laughed. I mean, he really laughed. I got it, obviously. Here was this guy who had just barely croaked his way through a monotone song winning an award for being the best singer in the country. Okay, it's funny. But I love Leonard Cohen, I loved that song, I was endeared of the performance, and I was proud that he had won. I remember the Grammy's had been just a bit earlier, and Meatloaf had won the corresponding award, and while Mr. Loaf is obviously the better vocalist, I still felt kinda happy I lived in a country that would rather bestow awards on Leonard Cohen than Meatloaf (who was, by the way, excellent in Fight Club and ought to do more acting).

Leonard Cohen's had an amazing life, obviously. The accomplishments, the wealth, the adulation and respect, the famous womanizing. I mean, for a folk troubadour, he really lived the rock and roll dream. But his business manager took all his money. And his voice isn't what it was, and if he's still writing good songs nobody really knows about them. And he's gotten old. He's older than my Dad. If he doesn't have the kind of health problems my Dad has, he will soon enough (unless he dies first).

I dunno. Is this getting morbid? Listening to Leonard Cohen all day can do that to a guy. (Plus, my wife and kid are in Seattle for the day, which is a mini-downer too). Bottom line is, my Dad and Leonard Cohen are a couple of old men. I would definitely have more to talk about at coffee with Leonard (ignoring the celebrity factor, just life stuff). And it's irritating that my Dad laughed at Leonard Cohen. But if Leonard Cohen laughed at my Dad? I'd punch him in the mouth. You know, figuratively.

Henry As Baby Dragon

2009-11-20T03:02:00.001-08:00

There are so many surprising things about having a newborn around the place that it's hard to say any one of them tops the list. But a definite contender is the amazing array of noises that the little man produces. Sometimes he sounds like a goose, or a dog. Sometimes it sounds like he's talking. Sometimes he sounds like a crying cartoon baby. But my favorite has got to be his regular impression of a dragon. Normally around feeding time (which is, like, always).

Rachel and I look at each other, and one of us will say something like, "who let a dragon in here?" And then we'll laugh uproariously.

Okay, I made up the uproariously part. It's just normal laughing. But the rest of it was true.

Henry As Good Luck Charm

2009-11-20T02:49:00.000-08:00

So the only tournament I've played since musing about whether my 'just try to survive and hope to get hit by the deck later' strategy was ultimately pointless (a blog or two ago), was a late night one a couple nights back. Henry has definitely turned things upside down around here (day is night, quite literally) so I grind the poker different times every day. I started this day around 10pm, had a bunch of cash games fired up and joined one tourney, one of the myriad Stars $33 ones.

A couple hours later Henry was quite fussy. Like most people, he often just wants to be held. He'll sleep in your arms, but if you put him down he's upset again within a minute or two. Even if you just fall asleep while holding him. I don't know how he knows, in his sleep, that you've drifted off. He's like a ninja.

Anyway, his poor mother was approaching a sleep deprivation breaking point, so I shut down all the cash games and held my son while the tourney went on. Thanks to auto hot key programs, it's pretty easy to hold a baby and play an online poker tournament, so we just sat in my office.

At the time we started, I was just about into the money, having followed my extremely tight/survival mode strategy from the original ~500 runners to inside 100. We crossed into the money at number 70 or so, and then the mythical 'hit by the deck' actually happened. There weren't very many suckouts or coolers, or much of interest at all really. I just kept getting good hands. Over and over and over. Actually, the only big suckout I rememberwas this guy in the BB had a VPIP of under 5, and I was in the SB and had been raising him every single time. And once he got under 7 or 8 bb's I just raised him all-in and he just kept folding. And the hand in question I open shipped Q20 and he woke up with KK. Flop comes Q-x-2, naturally.

So anyway, I hit the final table with about twice as many chips as second place. The only drawback to things was it was a double stack tournament, and it seemed the structure was kinda slow for a small entry online tourney too. So when we hit 4-handed it was 6am. That was not the plan!

I took the 5:55am break as a chance to give Henry back to his mother, and when play resumed I was from chip leader to busto in like five minutes. I blame the departure of my Good Luck charm for certain, although it could also have been that it was 6am and I was barely keeping my eyes open and couldn't summon enough concern for the $1500 jump from 4th to 1st. I would like to be able to start up again from 4-handed, but overall I'm stoked with the result and it definitely has me continuing to wonder if this tourney strategy is really not so bad.

Now I just gotta figure out how to smuggle Henry into live tourneys...

Henry And His Aunt

2009-11-14T16:15:00.000-08:00

First Freeroll Cash

2009-11-14T15:49:00.000-08:00

I sensed your expressions of chagrin as you read yesterday's blog, when I wrote I will be blogging less about poker. So to assuage your frustrations, I'll give you a recap of today's tourney min-cash. It was the Supernova Weekly Freeroll, where Stars puts up $75k and anyone who is supernova can enter for free (along with some Platinum and Gold players who enter qualifying tourneys with FPP's). They had 2200 runners today, with a first prize of around $11k.

I was strangely pumped about making it into the money, and considering that it was worth all of $52.50 (or, more accurately, $26.25 to me, $26.25 to the staker) I don't think it was really about the $. I guess just feeling like I'm getting value out of the whole Supernova thing, feeling like the freerolls aren't a waste of time (this was my third one, failed to cash the other two). Obviously the dream target is to make it into the top ten or so, get a decent payday and if you get hit by the deck maybe a five figure one. But the min cash makes for a decent hourly (and you can obviously grind cash games the whole time), so that's the realistic goal.

Anyway, I basically folded my way to the money. I was only all-in three times the whole tourney. First time was within about ten or fifteen minutes of start, I still had my t1500 starting stack. UTG opened, and I was UTG+1 with JJ. I actually wasn't sure what to do. I mean, it's a freeroll, who cares if you bust? But I had no read of note on UTG, and I wouldn't feel great about it getting in here. So I just called without a real plan (which is kinda the cardinal poker sin, you should always have a plan, but whatevs). Folded around to BB who shoved, UTG folded. BB had been incredibly active already, so it was a snap call for me. He tabled 22 and didn't improve, I doubled up.

Then spent about 90 minutes folding and stealing blinds, never deviating more than about 10% from the t3000 stack. Until suddenly blinds were high enough (it's not a real slow structure) that I was already in shove or fold mode preflop, and I shoved on the button with KJs. I got looked up by a tight player in the blinds, who I had barely covered, with K6o. Pretty bad call, if you ask me. He still had an M of like 6 or 7. Anyway, board ran out 10-10-4 x 4. At least a 6 didn't hit, I guess, but it was pretty annoying. I would have had a pretty healthy stack, just about average, but instead I was still grinding my short stack.

A lot more folding/bit more stealing and we were down to within about 20 of the money. I folded a whole orbit and a half with no attempts at stealing, bringing my stack all the way to like t1700. It's not like I wouldn't have gone with a decent hand, but I knew I could fold into the money so I wasn't going to take any unnecessary risks. (I mean, I wasn't going to fold QQ just to get my $52.50, but I wasn't going to steal with 76s either).

We hit the money with 396 left, and were almost instantly down to about 350 when a tight player open shoved. I had an M of about 1.25 and 66. Obviously not crazy about the spot, but I got close to the best I could hope for (obv 22-55 would have been better, but short of that) when he showed K6s. K in the window, game over.

So I got it in three times as a heavy favorite, and went 1-1-1. In general I have taken to playing tourneys very passively, sort of in survival mode, which is okay I guess but does end up in a lot of min-cashes. The logic is, the min-cashes pay for the entries, and if once every twenty times or something I get hit by the deck I can make a deeper run. But truthfully I probably need to get more aggressive. Most of the time I'm playing a lot of cash games at the same time and not really giving the tournament much attention, so I guess it will be different when I finally get back to live tourneys. Hoping to play the ME in 2010, should probably try to get some live tourney practice before then...

Staked!

2009-11-08T23:44:00.001-08:00

So it's official. For the first time ever, I'm playing teh pokerz on someone else's dime. It's kinda weird cause I'm not busto, I don't need the stake in terms of $, so I'm sure it doesn't make sense to some people. But at the end of the day it felt like a no-brainer. It's mainly, for me, about the coaching/mentoring/whatever, and the more we talked the better I felt about it. The only nagging thing in the back of my head is I've been on such a terrible run of luck that I wonder a bit if I would have felt quite differently about things a couple months ago. And truthfully, I'm sure it would have been a tougher decision. But I still think I would have done it.

I won't get into a lot of details, in part because I actually signed a confidentiality agreement with my staker. I'm the first person he's staked and he's giving me a ton of information (makes it seem, at least, like a lot of those video training coaches and whatnot do hold stuff back). But it's a standard staking agreement (he takes all the financial risk, we split proceeds 50/50) and it's tied to volume (as opposed to $ or time). So how long it lasts totally depends on how much I play.

Anyway, because I'm gonna be working closely with him, and because he wants me to keep a lot of the concepts on the down low, I won't have as much poker content in the blog. It won't be none, but I was pretty tired of my whining anyway, so it'll definitely be less. Sorry for any disappointment caused.

Henry At Fifteen Days (in a new jacket)

2009-11-06T22:39:00.000-08:00

It Might Get Loud

2009-11-06T22:09:00.000-08:00

Have been looking forward to seeing this movie since I saw the scintillating trailer a few months ago. Not surprisingly, it didn't get a wide release. But it is showing once a day, at 2:30pm, at something called the Denman Discount Theater.

So the basic premise is Jimmy Page, The Edge, and Jack White get together and talk shop, jam a little, whatever. On paper I thought it was an inspired choice, as they're all great guitar players with unique styles (distinct voices, in the parlance they would undoubtedly prefer). But in the end, it was the casting that undid the film.

Even though (maybe because) he generally carries himself like he's doing an impression of Johnny Depp acting as Jack White, White is arguably the star of the movie (the filmmakers would probably argue that the guitar is the film's true star, but they'd be deluded). He comes across as almost an idiot savant, making fierce and inspired music when he's not spouting inanities. Like, how he likes his guitars to be out of tune, so he has to 'conquer' them. In his quest to illustrate how he challenges himself to create, he gives the example (this is a paraphrase): "if it's three steps over to the organ to play a part in a song, what if i move it farther away so it's four steps away, so I have to rush over"? He doesn't answer his rhetorical question (which he manages to pose straight-faced). But one's still left to wonder what fresh genius might ensue if the roadie were to take that organ all the way up to five steps away. It's a positively Spinal Tap-esque moment, which brings to mind another scene.

The Edge is talking about when U2 were starting out, and how what they did (and what others were doing at the time) was in part a reaction to the self-indulgence of 70's rock. He cites 15 minute drum and guitar solos as basically atrocities, and while he is talking we're shown images from This Is Spinal Tap. It could have just as easily been Led Zeppelin footage, of course. The Edge then continues, "When I saw Spinal Tap, I didn't laugh. I wept. Cause it was that close to the truth". I mean, if you're Jimmy Page watching this, how do you not say "ouch". The irony is driven home (presumably unintentionally) later when Jimmy displays his famous double-neck guitar, and The Edge smiles wanly in deference to the most iconic of instruments of an era he so thoroughly dismissed a few scenes previous.

The Edge doesn't just give it, tho, he catches some too. After long and loving scenes of The Edge detailing and displaying his extensive collection of effects and processors, White goes off on a mini-tangent about how technology is the enemy of creativity. Ouch again.

To be clear, these disses are not intentional. At least not from the artists, who make their statements during extensive interviews in their homes obviously not thinking about their co-stars specifically. And probably not from the filmmakers, as it definitely does not build excitement for the 'summit', where the three greats meet, axes a-blazing, for a chat and shred session. Not that it matters in the end, cause the summit positively fizzles.

The first playing they do together has The Edge showing the other two the changes to 'I Will Follow'. They pick it up, they play it for about 15 seconds, and that's it. What? Really? Okay, just a teaser. It's gonna get cooking soon, right? Wrong. I guess it does pick up a little. During 'In My Time Of Dying', it at least seems like everybody's trying (although it plays much less to The Edge's strengths than the other's, and he kinda looks like he knows it). But it never gets anything close to inspired, and the closing "The Weight" is definitely no better than anything that happened at Trevor's bachelor party. The multiple clips of all three guys playing with the bands that made them famous are all more invigorating than the summit, and it's not even close.

Still, for all this complaining, if they came out with a ten-hour DVD version of this thing, I'd definitely buy it. Watching supremely talented and accomplished musicians talk about their craft, show their tricks, relive their paths to success, doesn't really get old. To be sure, much of "It Might Get Loud" is pure gold.

But the main hook, the Meeting Of The Masters, as it were, fails pretty much completely.

Good Game

2009-11-04T02:01:00.000-08:00

Went to the hockey game with my Old Man tonight. Because my dad has been in the hospital, we haven't been able to take Henry to see him. So Rachel walked down with me to GM Place tonight and the little guy finally got to meet his Grandpa, and my Dad finally got to meet his namesake (Henry's middle name, Lawrence, is my Dad's name).

Whatever you think about the fisticuffs in hockey, it's hard to argue that they weren't good for the game tonight. First two periods were pretty boring, then early in the third a major scrum broke out. It happened during a line change, so there were ten guys on the ice for each team, and it got crazy heated. I mean, a lot of those hockey fights are kinda posturing, guys 'doing their jobs' and they pat each other on the ass when it's over. This was not that. These guys were pissed at each other, and it threatened to spiral out of control like in the olden days. Broad Street Bullies and all that. When it finally subsided, it was an entirely different game. Both teams, and the crowd, were totally energized. Playoff-type hockey. Plus, the beloved home team prevailed 4-1. Everyone went home happy. Except the grumpy Glen Sather I walked past on the way home, either coming or going from a town car (I couldn't tell) and fully ignoring myriad autograph seekers (to be fair, I was just walking by, he may well have signed before or after).

When I got home my wife and son were sound asleep. They normally fall asleep before I do, and they look so impossibly cute sleeping side by side. It's tough to decide of which one am I most jealous.

Preview Review II (Family Film Edition)

2009-11-04T01:45:00.000-08:00

We went to see Where The Wild Things Are. It's debatable if it's suitable as a kid's movie, but any question of what the studio thinks was most definitely answered in the previews. It was decidedly family friendly fare. A quick revision to the scoring system. Trailers get scored out of ten for their ability to not given away the entire movie (Secret Score, or SS) and for how good the movie looks like it's going to be (Upside Score, or US).

Despicable Me -- The preview is mainly just one long scene. At first I actually thought it was maybe a short feature they were showing. Hadn't heard of this movie, but the voice cast is pretty impressive (in terms of people I find funny). The preview itself was kinda boring tho. SS: 8. Gave away very little. US: 5. Definitely could be good, but not much of a spark in the trailer. Would score lower if not for the cast.

Fantastic Mr Fox -- An even more impressive voice cast, a little heavier on thespians as opposed to comedians, but some pretty funny people in there too. SS: 5. Fair amount of plot given away, but nothing too major. US: 6. Looks kinda good, but it's hard to get excited about animated movies.

The Blind Side -- Did you know Sandra Bullock is 45? Someone just told me that. She doesn't seem 45. SS: 2. Most of the movie is given away in the preview, and for the parts that aren't? While, you can pick about a half-dozen cliched plot twists from movies of this ilk and presume this movie will utilize three or four of them. Sure, there might be a twist in there. But it'll be a familiar twist. US: 7. I dunno. I know it'll be cheesy, but I still think this will be good.

A Christmas Carol -- Robert Zemeckis gives the Scrooge story the Polar Express treatment, with a sure to be over-the-top star turn from Jim Carrey. Peter Travers or somebody will undoubtedly call this "visually stunning", a quote you'll see on the TV ads, and in the print ads, and in the ads for the DVD. SS: 1. It's a Christmas Carol, only done different. They show you how it's done in the preview, and we already know the story. What's left? US: 2. Bah humbug, indeed. Why this was made, and why anyone would care to see it, are both beyond me.

(Way) Beyond Frustrated

2009-11-04T01:38:00.000-08:00

WARNING: MORE WHINING ABOUT POKER CONTAINED HEREIN

I used to think of myself as a lucky poker player. Don't get me wrong. I'm not a crazy person. I don't believe individuals are in possession of some definable amount of luckiness, like there's a luck gene. I just mean over the course of my poker career, I felt like I had been more helped than hindered, results-wise, by variance. I was often to the good in terms of all-in EV, and even according to my selective memory (which many people say will emphasize the times we got unlucky) I seemed to run good.

Like, this one time I was playing in an online donkament, I think it was like $20 entry, big field, and I took it down for like $2500. And the winning hand, I had a huge chip lead and got it in with A7 against QQ. And the flop came 777. Now, of course I would have taken it down with just a single ace, or even just two 7's. And of course I had a big chip lead so may well (probably) would have taken it down anyway. But for whatever reason, I would remember that hand and think about how lucky I seem to be, as opposed to thinking about all the countless times I got it in good and was busted out of tourneys.

So, yeah, I used to think of myself as a lucky poker player. I do not think of myself that way anymore.

As of the session I just wrapped up, I am now down 40 buy-ins in all-in EV over my last 60k hands. I think that works out to 6.66b/100, but whatever it is, it is not something I am able to overcome through my mad poker skills. I'm happy if I post a 2bb/100 winrate while grinding out volume, so obviously the all-in EV massacre is devastating.

For those not that into the pokerz, all-in EV is simply a measurement of what your results would be if you had exactly neutral luck from the moment you got all-in during a hand. It's unpopular in some circles, because it tends to be given too much credit (there are many other ways to have good or back luck in poker than just what happens after you're all-in), and because there's not a thing you can do about what happens after you're all-in, so why pay it any heed.

But there are two things about all-in EV that make it relevant to this discussion. First of all, it's the most easily measured form of poker luck. True, I could go through my database and find out exactly how many times I got AA v KK, as opposed to vice versa, but the different ways you can run good or bad before it gets all-in are practically infinite. It's not feasible to get a meaningful measurement. So all-in EV is the only easily obtained statistic we have that reflects how we're running. As our selective memories can't be trusted (and believe me, my selective memory is telling me I'm getting pummeled by variance way beyond just all-in EV -- if one more fish rivers two pair against my TPTK and then minraises my river bet I'm gonna punch Danlim in the face), all-in EV is kinda all we got.

The second reason it's relevant, is I straight up cannot win at poker if I'm 40 buy-ins below over 60k hands.

Man, downswings are lonely. You can sort of commiserate with other poker players, but you don't really wanna be a downer. And the fact that we all go through these swings makes you feel kinda stupid for being surprised by them. I keep coming across blogs where the author really believes he's going through a downswing unlike anything his readers have experienced. And honestly, I kinda feel that way right now too. So while we can talk about the swings and give each other generic encouragement, fact is we feel we're going through something unique. In fact, accepting that what we are going through is something that happens once in a while to most grinders kinda sucks, cause we want to believe this is like a once-a-century run of shitty luck we're going through. So basically we don't really want to think other people get it, cause we don't like the implications of that.

It's just hard to know where to go from here. There's an argument for just keeping on doing what I'm doing, because the results are not bad if you factor out the all-in EV. I do have a sense, tho, that if I were more +EV in the games I'm playing, I could whether these storms a bit more. Which makes me want to look for a different approach. At the same time, I know my confidence is rocked by this run, which I know means I can't be playing as well as I am able. And I've felt a little scrambly at times, trying different styles and approaches, and have felt some old leaks coming on (in some cases pretty strong). Clicking that call button way too much again. So it seems like I should wait till I don't feel I'm in the worst run of my poker career before making any decisions.

Yet at the same time, how long do I wait? I know my luck today has no bearing on my luck tomorrow, but that cuts both ways. I'm not doomed to bad luck, but I'm not 'due' for good luck either. And I don't want to have to redeposit on the sites. This is supposed to be a profitable undertaking!

So every option is on the table. Going back to live poker. Playing just a couple tables at a time online. Just keeping on with what I've been doing (which is 6-10ish tables). Learning Sit & Go's or grinding tourneys. Mass-tabling as a shortstacker (no, I don't share the hatred of short stacking that many 2+2ers have). I mean, some are more likely than others, but I'm open to most any approach. I love playing poker, but at the end of the day it's about making money. If I can get a clear sense of what path would be most profitable, that would definitely be the one I take at the expense of pretty much any other factors.

Happily, this staking agreement still looks like it's gonna happen (we've agreed on terms, just choosing a start date). Couldn't come at a better time, because I really need somebody's objective input. The fact that he's a great poker mind with a direct investment in my results obviously makes him uniquely suited to weigh in on this stuff.

But if for some reason the staking doesn't happen, I'll still work it out. Notwithstanding all this ranting, I still understand this is part of the game. And I still believe that as long as I don't get lazy (or give up during the bad runs), I can grind a good living out of poker. It's just variance has been a relentless motherfucker the last while, and I needed to bitch about it for a while.

An Important Comeback (and some whining)

2009-11-01T04:32:00.001-08:00

I came to terms tonight with something I kinda already knew but wasn't fully admitting to myself: my poker confidence is shot. I realized it when I decided to 6-table 100NL, and I felt like I was playing nosebleed stakes. So much aggression! Which is totally ridiculous, cause not very long ago I played 100NL when I needed to step down for a bit.

I don't want to sit here and whine, but I've been running like ass for about three months straight. If you don't think it can happen, well, you're misinformed. Don't get me wrong. I still could have had way better results by just playing better, and who knows where the line blurs between running bad leading to worse play or vice versa. But I can say with a fair degree of confidence that this fall has been by far the worst case of run bad I've ever had. Not even close. Just in October I'm about 30 buy-ins to the bad in all-in EV. I know, I know, that's just one type of luck. But if I had run neutral in just that one department I'd have had a marginally profitable month instead of the abomination I had. It's funny, cause I'm doing all this mass-tabling, and people are telling me I'm crazy, and I'm thinking I should reconsider, etc etc. But if I had run even just okay, I'd be feeling like I was on my way with it, SuperNova Elite here I come...

Not that I'm done with SNE. My potential staker (it really looks like it's going to happen now, btw, but I'll be sure to let my faithful readers know once it's for sure one way or the other) is a SNE, and he wants me to hit that milestone in 2010. Just with a modified plan from how I've been approaching it so far.

But anyway, I've digressed a lot already. So I played a 12-table session this evening at 50, ran six buy-ins below EV to book a five buy-in loss. Typical. But I wasn't feeling too bad about it, cause I was in that right head space of accepting that I can't control the luck, and I think I did play okay.

So I was gonna go to bed, but I decided to first play an hour of 6-tabling 100NL. Within 10 minutes I was down four buy-ins. First I lost a couple flips. Then my QQ < JJ AIPF when a jack spiked on the turn. And the worst one, my AA < JJ, with it getting in on the turn and the third J hitting the river. So I was down $400 and my all-in EV was saying I should be up like $180 or thereabouts (can't remember exactly, there were a few small hands in there too).

I fully accept beats as part of poker, and I even accept that the run of luck I've been experiencing, while probably in the top percentile of bad runs, is likely not near as rare as it feels it must be. I still feel like in the long run skill will win out over luck most of the time (and it's only 'most' of the time cause we might not make it far enough into the long run to make it 'all' of the time).

But man, it's wearing me down, and I really need to find a way to reset my expectations so that hopefully my confidence will follow. I mean, today at 50 I got it in with KK against a guy's J9o. 125 BB's deep, and he had a PFR of 5. WTF? He flopped the straight. Honestly, you wonder if he knew what was coming somehow, cause it just makes no sense otherwise. But when I saw what he had I literally cringed, waiting to see how I was gonna get screwed. Even though that attitude obviously doesn't influence the cards, I just can't imagine it doesn't bleed over into my play in big and small ways.

The silver lining in all this is that I did grind back to make the 100 session basically even. Maybe the most satisfying break even session of the year, and important too, cause 100 suddenly looked like the cuddle-bear soft game it is and hopefully I can bring that feeling to my next session. The thing of it is, when I was down four buy-ins and the game seemed so tough, I actually had gotten my money in even or very good each time. So why did it seem tough? Shot confidence.

Henry As Baby

2009-10-31T02:34:00.000-07:00

I have to admit, when I was imagining his arrival, I kinda looked at the first few months as something to just sorta get through. I love kids, including toddlers, but I never really connected much to newborns. Just seemed like a lot of crying and diaper-changing and not much else.

Now that he's here, though, I already feel a sense of panic that he's gonna change too soon. I'm excited to watch him grow, but I'm in no hurry for it to happen. He's just so perfect right now, and he is such a great influence on me.

That's a lot of pressure to put on the guy, but I don't think he's feeling it.

U2

2009-10-31T01:10:00.000-07:00

I blogged when I got home from the show but I found what I wrote embarrassing (there may have been some alcohol consumed that evening). So I deleted the blog the next morning. From what I can remember, tho, it was a pretty kick ass show.

It used to everybody liked U2. Just like The Police. There was a time you couldn't really find somebody who would admit to not liking The Police. But now a lot of that old Police stuff does sound kinda shrill, tbh. And now I personally know people who actively dislike U2. I can understand that. Bono's a bit much, so if you're not willing to go with it it might be hard to just be neutral.

Personally I'm not sure how big a U2 fan I'd consider myself in the moment, but I do know they have a pretty freaking impressive collection of songs to pick from for their set list. Some true classics didn't make the cut, but with the exception of the new material pretty much every tune they played was sing-along familiar. And they do know how to rock the stadium show. Of course the sound is not great in BC Place, and the band is far enough away from your seats to make it basically the equivalent of watching them on TV. Watching them on your neighbor's TV, more like (while you're sitting in your own living room). Yet somehow it's still invigorating. I still feel very inspired by it, 48 hours later and stone cold sober.

Black Eyed Peas opened. I hadn't heard of them before "Where Is The Love?" came out, I don't think. That's the first one I remember hearing, anyway, and I thought it was pretty cool. Like a more pop-minded "Arrested Development", with hopefully more staying power. But then they pretty much tanked (not commercially, of course), putting out a series of inanities. They are, for the most part, catchy, but it just seems like maybe they could have accomplished a lot more. But whatever. That "I Got A Feeling" got the whole room hopping just as much as almost anything U2 did. That was pretty impressive. I was surprised how much Will.I.Am ran the show, definitely seemed like it's 100% his band. Except when Fergie did "Big Girls Don't Cry". I think I have more irrational hate for that song than any other song ever recorded. It's not that I think it's a bad song. It just pisses me off for some unknown reason.

Who Me? Staked?

2009-10-27T01:48:00.000-07:00

Still not motivated to grind, which is strange for me. I normally almost always want to play. I blame the kid (obviously). How am I supposed to care about work with him about?

I did force myself to play a little bit today, and start catching up on band emails. I even opened up some mail, so I'm slowly starting to shift back towards being a contributing member of society. The lack of volume has allowed me to reflect on this whole mass-tabling approach, and I'm definitely having serious second thoughts. To be clear, I still think it's good at least in theory. But I think I jumped to 24 tables far too quick (basically straight from ~12 to 24 with only a brief stop around 16) and should back it up and work my way up much slower.

It's not just the time off that's got me thinking that, tho. I have entered into fairly serious discussions with an uber-successful midstakes multi-tabler about a staking agreement. It's kinda odd, because I had never remotely thought about getting staked, and he's never staked anyone before. But I had some exchanges with him on 2+2 and liked his way of thinking about things, so I asked him about coaching. As his hourly is quite high grinding, he wasn't really interested in coaching but was interested in talking about a staking arrangement (which would obviously involve some coaching, but would have a potentially higher return than just an hourly rate). I have no idea if it's going to happen or not. I think we're gonna figure it out in the next few days, but who knows, we've been talking about it a while. But if he does make a formal offer, and it seems fair and all that, I'm probably going to go for it.

But anyway, as part of this process, I recorded a table of myself 6-tabling. I have to admit I was fairly shocked by how different it was from 24-tabling. Of course I knew it would be somewhat so. But it was like, totally, completely different. I realized most of the time 24-tabling I've just been playing my cards. I mean, obviously I'm stacking off lighter against a 50/30 than a 14/11 or whatnot. But especially preflop, I've basically been playing from a chart. The thing is, it's not that the game, when 24-tabling, moves too fast to make more involved decisions. It's just that it moves fast enough to kind of lull me into this bad rhythm of just looking at my cards and clicking raise or (mainly) fold. There is time to take that extra moment to make a more complete decision, for sure, but forcing myself to do so is not a skill I currently have down.

So the last couple sessions I've played 12 tables (I know that sounds like a lot, but when you've been playing 24 it feels slow like live poker). At someone's suggestion, I've got it set up like I'm tiling six tables, but with a stack of two in each tiled spot. I'm having total problems getting used to playing in that configuration, but I'm still finding the pace of the games much more manageable and I think I'm playing a lot better. My plan, if the staking thing does not happen, is to 12 table at 50 until I'm comfortable with it, and then, roll-willing, keep 12-tabling at 100. If it continues to go well, I'll maybe add like two tables at a time, so long as I feel like every decision is still a thoughtful one.

It's also possible I'll go all the way back down to 6-8 tables and try to play slightly higher stakes. My best months were when I was doing that, so it's always in the back of my mind as a possibility.

Man, blogs are self-indulgent.

Henry's First Game

2009-10-26T02:44:00.000-07:00

When you are soliciting opinions on whether or not you should circumcise your son, a surprising number of people state that having him look the same as his father is an important factor. To me, that’s kind of a stretch. I guess I can see where they’re coming from, but when you’re talking about chopping away a bit of penis it seems to me you should have stronger reasons than cultivating a family resemblance.

It is important to me, however, that Henry shares some of his old man’s passions. So I was happy to begin his indoctrination into NHL hockey this evening at GM Place.

Okay, four days old is a little ridiculous for your first Canucks game, but what happened, see, was we had these primo seats from back when we thought Henry wasn’t going to be born until November. They were in the Champions Club, which is a large private suite with a ridiculous eat-till-your-sick buffet and other amenities included (Rachel had won them through work). So when Henry arrived early we considered selling them (but we felt a little funny about that seeing we hadn’t bought them), considered asking Katy to watch him while we went, but ultimately decided we wanted to take him to the game. Happily the midwife was over today and she gave it the thumps up, so we bundled the little guy up and walked the half-dozen blocks to the game.

It was pretty much a non-event, as far as he was concerned. People oohed and aahed at him, but he slept through all that. And the game to boot. Still, I think he’s probably got hockey fever now. By osmosis.

Overall the first four days of the Henry era have been amazing. Yes, the expected sleep deprivation (although Rachel has borne by far the greater brunt of that). But he’s just so perfect. I haven’t really done anything else but hang out here, and I have never ever in my entire life felt anything approaching this sense of peace and contentment. Henry is good for my psyche.

Gotta get back to grinding the pokerz and answering the band emails so that the bank doesn’t foreclose, and I guess I will. But all I really wanna do is just wanna hang with my man (and his mom).

Blood Of My Blood

2009-10-21T13:37:00.001-07:00

I have no idea what time I was born. I'm sure I was told dozens of times, but it just never stuck in my memory . I can pretty much guarantee you, though, that I will never forget what time my son was born. Which, by the way, was 6:10am. Today.

Henry Lawrence Jonat. Impossibly perfect. Really, it beggars belief. Shortly after he was born, while the midwives were attending to his mother, Henry was left to his overwhelmed father's care. He just slept, curled up on my chest. Pretty sure it's the highlight of my life so far.

If Henry is a small, perfect miracle, his mother is a full-grown one. She never complained, never screamed at me (none of that 'YOU DID THIS TO ME' stuff the movies tell you to expect). In fact, between contractions she kept asking if I was okay! When Henry started his move, it got pretty intense. But as painful as it got, she never lost focus, she just kept right on task. No painkillers or sedatives or whatever, nothing. She blew my mind!

Ruptured Membranes

2009-10-20T13:37:00.001-07:00

If you ask me, it's a most unpleasant phrase. Sounds unduly harsh. I much prefer the more colloquial "my water broke". The first few times I heard 'Ruptured Membranes' I didn't realize what it was, and felt a strong sense of relief when I was educated.

So while I don't like to think of what happened to her membranes, I guess I'm okay with the fact that at 6:23am today Rachel's water broke. That's about as quick as I've gotten out of bed as an adult, even though I felt like 90% sure it was a false alarm. I mean, we weren't due for almost two weeks, never mind the fact everybody said it would be late.

But it wasn't a false alarm. It's for real. Should be an interesting day.

Giving The Fish My Moneys

2009-10-13T03:54:00.001-07:00

Not always, but normally when I have a terrible session I've been stacked a lot by the 50/10/1 types. It makes sense, of course, that this leads to bad results because those are the spots on the tables where you normally make your money. So if you're actually losing to them, more often than not it's gonna get ugly.

I was talking to Dixon from Stoxpoker (who I used to get coaching from and probably will again) and he said he is now almost always folding TPTK to these types, and routinely folding overpair. Most everybody knows that you try to value bet these guys with any reasonable made hand, but you don't try to bluff, and if you get raised you're probably looking at 2p+.

For some reason it remains hard to fully accept that an extremely wide preflop range and a willingness to call down light does not mean that their raising range (especially if it's a large raise) is also wide. Definitely over the last week or so I would have been way better off just folding any time someone fitting this general profile raised me and I had one pair (regardless how good the pair). But am I just running bad in these spots, or is this a rule I should accept fairly strictly?

The most common spot where I'm calling off is I'll have AA, raise from the BTN and get called by the BB. Flop is like J77 and he C/R's big, then shoves a rag turn. There are more Jx hands than 7x hands in his range, and of course it's possible he's overvaluing a single jack. But in recent experience anyway, it's always a seven (occasionally JJ). Should I be folding AA in this spot? The point is, he would call me all the way down, regardless of bet size, with Jx. But aggression from him? Even on a board like this, I think I'm better off, long run, folding.

Here's a couple more hands where I feel I should have folded, but at the table it felt wrong. Hand 1, who shoves there? He must have either a FD, or a PP that does not give me credit for a Q. (I guess it's a good shove if I snap). And hand 2, I mean, I know I'm beat. But can't he have two pair, or a missed draw? Not often enough, I don't think. But with the odds I'm being laid...

Ell Oh Ell

2009-10-12T15:14:00.000-07:00

You know what really grinds my gears? I'll tell you. Text message acronyms, and emoticons, and the like.

I use 'em, cause you have to, cause otherwise people maybe can't tell when you're joking (in a text, or an email, or on a forum or whatever). And they might think you're a mental case when they miss the sarcasm or whatever. But even while I've given myself over to the necessity of them, I can't type LOL or ;) without feeling a little bit like a teenager. Maybe a Japanese teenager. Probably a teenaged Japanese girl, even. LOL.

As Drunk As It Gets

2009-10-12T15:10:00.000-07:00

That probably would have been a better title for yesterday's blog.

It was still a kick ass good time, alcohol or no. But no, I don't think there were too many sober people there. Well maybe Charles, the conspiracy-theory minded security guard.

Reba says it was possibly a personal record state of drunkenness for her. She reported this morning that she fell over in her room trying to get into her pajama's. Also, she had the misfortune of being the only one among us whose cell phone works up there. Drunken dialing ensued. Fo sho.

As Good As It Gets

2009-10-11T23:59:00.000-07:00

We played a gig a few years ago at something called the Boise River Fest. There was, they tell us, 100,000 people there. There were cameras on tracks swooping in and out as we played, we were being broadcast live on regional television. And it occurred to me, right then and there, that a great show cannot be predicted. We didn't have a bad show that night, but it was hardly a career highlight.

Tonight we played a small place in Montana called Chico Hot Springs. There was maybe 250 people there total. Got kinda fucked up on the Jaeger shots some asshole/kind soul kept bringing to the stage (I normally manage my alcohol intake quite well, but it'd be rude to turn down Jaeger shots).

But the point is, honestly, I can't have more fun playing music than I did tonight. So the lesson, clearly, is that it's not about crowd size. It's not about TV cameras. It's not about expectations or what you get paid, or glory. If you connect with the audience, and it goes off, this is the greatest job imaginable. If you don't, it's not.

Simple. Like that.

The Dude Abides

2009-10-10T22:42:00.001-07:00

We got hired to play a fancy to-do at a resort in Montana tonight and we were told there would be some Hollywood celebrities in the crowd. An edict was put out that there should be no photos taken, and I was like, yeah, whatever, I think I can control myself.

But then, in line for Roast Beast, there he was. The Dude. Jeff Bridges.

So I got out my iPhone and told Reba to stand in between the actor and myself and I pretended to take a photo of her (a ruse destined to work, of course, despite the fact that I was pointing the lens nowhere near her). Unfortunately the iPhone takes total shit photos (except when it doesn’t – very still, good light, whatever, they’re actually really good, but this situation did not meet those requirements). So the photo was considerably -- and I mean considerably -- worse than that travesty of me and Buckwheat Zydeco in Northern Michigan. I coulda tried again, I suppose, but I was already aware that a) I was breaking the rules; and, more importantly, b) I was dorking it up pretty good trying to take clandestine pictures.

I guess if I want to look at pictures of Jeff Bridges I’ll just have to google him.

T-minus Three Weeks

2009-10-10T16:03:00.001-07:00

Give or take. I'm actually told that we should expect him to arrive a little late. I'm not sure why they don't then make the due date a little bit later, and tell us to expect him to arrive on time. But they're the experts.

People tend to ask me two things, normally in succession. Am I excited? And then, Am I nervous and/or scared? Sometimes I disrupt their flow by answering the first question, "Yeah, I'm excited, and a little scared too." That throws 'em off.

But the truth is, I don't really no what I am. I wouldn't say in denial. But as much as I know what's about to happen, and as much as I want it to happen, for the life of me I just can't imagine it. I can't picture his face, I can't imagine his voice.

They say a woman becomes a mother at conception, and a man becomes a father at birth. I don't know. That's just a saying, and I'm pretty sure it's biologically incorrect. But I guess it's probably true, in the sense that it's meant. I've known I'm a father for, what, eight months now? But I think it's gonna be another three weeks (give or take) before I feel like one.

Rake!

2009-10-09T16:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had a truly horrific session. Played all day, actually felt I was playing well (but who knows), but just couldn't catch a break. Lost 16 (!) buy-ins. When I was finished I looked at my VPP's for the day, and they were of course pretty crazy high (personal record!) which got me thinking about the insane amount of rake i had paid.

So I checked, and it turns out I paid more rake than my loss! Dunno why, I should know better by now, but this really blew my mind.

I am amazed, in retrospect, at how terrible the day felt considering that I was roughly breaking even (marginally winning) against the other players. I swear, I felt like I was losing every significant hand. Yet what was really happening, if I could have stepped back from the game a bit, was I was just pushing my money back and forth across the table, and PokerStars was quietly charging a toll for each pass.

There are two main things I take from that. The first is the obvious one: rake is a mother fucker. If there were some magical internet poker game with no rake, anybody with half a clue would make decent coin from the pokerz. But, in combination with variance (which pushes a significant percentage of pots to even the worst of players), the rake slowly erodes the financial reward your skill edge brings. Until only the most skilled are left making anything at all. Nothing new here, of course, but no matter how long I've known this to be the case, it still sucks.

The newer revelation is that I still worry far too much about results. Because I was, in terms of winning or losing pots, breaking even in the game. Yet I felt like shit and at one point tilted away a buy-in or two before gathering it back in. It is just not believable to me that I would have felt the same during the session if I had never looked at totals while I was playing. In fact, I think I would have been totally shocked by the results when I did get around to looking. How could I possibly have the distinct impression I was getting my butt kicked when, in fact, I was not?

I'd like to just never look at results, although right now I feel like the stress of wondering what's going on over on the cashier page might outweigh the benefits of not checking. That's a goal, tho, even if I know it probably has to wait until I get 'over-rolled' for the games (which is another goal). Getting to the point where I'm comfortable being ignorant of the day's results does sound rather blissful.

Preview Review

2009-10-03T16:42:00.000-07:00

Only been to a couple movies over the past couple weeks. I found myself admiring "The Informant" more than enjoying it. Not that I didn't enjoy it at all, just that I couldn't quite get into it as much I wanted to. The slow reveal of Matt Damon's character's, uh, issues was unique and fun. But the whole thing just needed a bit more suspense or a danger element or something. Some kinda jolt. Also, the whole stylized thing was confusing. What year was it supposed to be? Soundtrack and credits and whatnot said 70's, some of the style felt 80's, plot was in the 90's. I don't know. I guess it was on purpose. It was probably clever. I just wasn't in on it.

It was obviously much better than Bruce Willis's latest, "Surrogates", which was just kind of run of the mill terrible. Although the whole thing about having a son who passed away, first hinted at with a lingering shot of Bruce staring wistfully at a child's baseball glove, was a little extra terrible. Really? You're really going there? I will say, as a positive, that I kinda bought Bruce in his role more than I normally do. He didn't wisecrack/smirk his way through the thing. Instead of being Bruce Willis, it was more like he was, I don't know, an actor.

But anyway, the main reason to go to the movies of course is to see the previews. So without further ado, I bring you my first ever Preview Review.

Each trailer gets two scores (both out of 10). The "Reveal" score is how much of the movie the trailer gives away. The "Upside" score is how good the movie looks like it's going to be.

2012 -- People just can't get enough of disaster movies. We are long past the point of a burning hotel or a sinking ship. In 2012 the whole world just ends. Of course, it's almost entirely about the special effects, while John Cusack, Amanda Peet, and some cute kids try to give you somebody to care about (so you're not just cheering for more shit to blow up). The effects do look amazing, and the movie does look completely ridiculous, which is basically what you want out of something like this. Right? REVEAL SCORE: 7. Not that much of the plot is given away, but there are so many of the special effects money shots in the trailer that you could probably just watch it on a loop and save yourself the ticket price. UPSIDE SCORE: 6. Looks like a pretty bad movie, but a fun bad movie.

OLD DOGS -- Just wow. REVEAL SCORE: 9. If this movie has even one good laugh I'll have to downgrade the reveal score, cause the trailer sure makes it look like there is nary a one. UPSIDE SCORE: 1. If you think Seth Green taking a golf ball in the nuts is hilarious, than by all means check it out. Though I don't know why you wouldn't just stay home and watch American's Funniest Home Videos.

DAYBREAKERS -- A vampire movie with a twist (the vampires are the majority). The trailer makes the movie look quite stylized, but also like that style might be it's chief selling point. REVEAL: 7. Didn't really give away that much, but you kinda you can fill in the blanks on the untold plot points. UPSIDE: 7. Don't get me wrong. Definitely could be terrible. But for some reason I think this looks promising.

THE BLIND SIDE -- Sandra Bullock in what surely should have been a TV movie, about an upscale white family 'adopting' an oversized, ostracized, extremely disadvantaged black teenager. REVEAL: 9. If you see the trailer, you see the movie. UPSIDE: 7. Would like to score it lower, but I have to admit that judging by the trailer (which is the point of this exercise) it's look like it's powerful and well-done (to go with obvious).

HOLMES -- How did Robert Downey go so quickly from begging for work as an "Ally McBeal" guest star to basically the hottest thing going? I guess everybody loves a comeback. He's pretty good, but it doesn't feel his resurgence is all on merit. REVEAL: 2. It's a great trailer in this regard, telling you everything you need to know about the movie's vibe and almost nothing significant about it's plot. UPSIDE: 6. This one I would have liked to scored higher. You can't like Hollywood Movies and not want this thing to be kick ass. But judging by the trailer, it just looks kind of middling. Hope that impression's wrong!

Moving On Down

2009-10-03T15:57:00.001-07:00

Have decided to stick exclusively to NL50 for an as-yet-undetermined length of time. I have been moving back and forth between 100 and 50 based on my bankroll, and I'm tired of wasting mental energy worrying about getting bumped down or whatever.

I really should have stayed exclusively at 50 as I learn to mass-table effectively (still dropping EV to technical difficulties and occasional brain cramps, both of which will always be factors when playing 24 tables but are becoming less and less major each day as I improve at this approach). But I was stubborn and kept following my bankroll guidelines. As I've had pretty good success at 50 so far, and not so much at 100, the pattern was fairly predictable. The fact that I've run way, way better (luck-wise) at 50 made me wanted to not give up 100 (hate to give in to variance). But at the same time, it's indisputable that the level of play at 100 is significantly higher. So even though I can obviously have great up or down swings at either level, my EV in 50 is surely higher (notwithstanding the higher rake impact). For these and other reasons, it just seems to make sense to play exclusively there for a bit.

The biggest drawback, in the short term, is the VPP's accrue a lot slower. Maybe 60% of the rate they accrue at 100. Which makes the SNE goal a lot more difficult. I think at the lower level it would take around 50 hours a week. Pretty doable (and worth it, imo) if I wasn't playing in the band and/or awaiting my child's imminent arrival. Might be doable still, but probably becomes a long shot (at NL100 I wouldn't say it's a slam dunk, but I would say if I it remains a goal for the entire year it's much more likely I would hit it than not). But ultimately, of course, this is all about making a living. Posting a winning record in the games and getting to, say, 800K vpp's is gonna be more profitable than losing in the games but making Elite.

It would be frustrating to get that close and not make it. But the one thing I definitely do not want to do is play in games where I'm -EV just to accrue VPP's. I'm willing to put in the work to get to SNE, but I'm not willing to throw money at it. I do expect to be able to beat 100 sooner than later, as I iron out the kinks in my mass table game and hopefully just continue to get better at poker. Which would make SNE once again feel quite within reach. We'll see how it develops, but for now it feels good to just focus on NL50.

Hockey Season

2009-10-01T23:55:00.001-07:00

There a lot of things I would do different if I was to live my life over, and one of them would be to get less obsessed by the NHL. I've toned 'er down some over the years, but I'm still fairly obsessed with the Canucks. It's totally irrational. I mean, if I met some guy on the street who happened to be good at hockey, I wouldn't particularly care. But for some reason, you group 'em all together and pay them a lot of money to feign allegiance to my city, and I live or die by it. It's embarrassing, really, but I can't help it.

I used to fairly strongly believe that people who were not into their hometown team were revealing a character deficiency. Like, the guy who was born and raised in Vancouver but is a Bruins fan, or whatever. If there's some sort of reason, maybe his old man was from Boston, or the star player is from his hometown, I guess it's okay. But just to randomly choose to not cheer for your home team, for no reason? That aint right. I still sorta think so. But I think caring as much as I do about any professional sports team shows a bigger deficiency: you gotta be kinda dumb.

If I was dumb like that, this would just have been preamble to the fact that the season opened tonight. I couldn't watch, being preoccupied as I was with playing a rock show in Bend, Oregon. But judging by the box score, we stumbled badly out of the gate, falling behind 3-0 and 4-1, before launching an intense comeback attempt. Got 'er back to 4-3 (with an insane third period shots advantage) before surrendering the empty-netter. Honestly, I think it bodes pretty well that when it's 3-0 it's not over. We're supposed to be pretty good this year. Some experts even predicting a Cup run. Not that I give a fuck.

Trading Leaks

2009-09-25T17:40:00.000-07:00

Not sure why, but my persistent pre flop leaks have improved a TON this month. In the past when I've struggled with specific spots like this, it's felt like I've worked on them forever with little to no improvement, then very suddenly hit a point where they got way better and it never looked back. So fingers crossed that's the case here and I can move on to new things to fix.

Speaking of which, I am costing myself unnecessary $ pretty regularly by peeling too many flops and giving up on too many turns. I mean, if I'm gonna peel with second pair, I can't just fold every time he fires a blank turn. Which is more or less what I'm doing right now. The problem has developed because with the mass tabling I have less detailed reads, and right now using poker co-pilot it's even worse (they don't have a turn cbet stat, among other problems).

I'm not entirely sure how to fix it, whether I should be raising a few more flops with marginal holdings, or continuing on more turns (either peeling again, or raising). I don't really think the actual number of flops I'm calling is too high in a vacuum, it's just that I'm doing it too often without a clear plan for the rest of the hand. For now folding more flops will put me in these spots less often and hopefully leave me more energy/focus/whatever to handle them better. If I start feeling like I am handling it better, maybe I'll start floating a bit more again.

Live Music

2009-09-24T21:32:00.000-07:00

In Santa Cruz, California. We had time between load-in and sound check so we walked down to the beach. Absolutely perfect day. There was this giant dead sea lion on the beach. It looked strange. Would like to say it looked beautiful, or regal or powerful or something, but it just didn't.

Anyway, that's just an aside. In Santa Cruz, California. Sitting at the back of the room as the opener plays. They are called Fruition. They are friends of our drummer Tyler's (he plays with them sometimes, including tonight) and they happened to be down here recording, so they asked today if they could play a set before us. One of their singer/guitar players is named Jake, and he's from Tyler's hometown, so we've seen him several times over the years in various bands and whatnot. He's a talented guy. I don't know anything about his situation, but I assume unless he's dealing drugs or has an inheritance or something then he's probably living below what many people would consider the poverty line. (Again, I don't know about him personally, but that's the norm for people pursuing music the way he is). But he's going after it, and every single time I hear him, he's better. He's always been a good musician, but he's become a great musician/singer. But more than that, he's becoming an artist.

What it really makes me think about is how beautiful, regal, powerful live music is. We saw a band on tour this summer called Alice Potter & The Nocturnals. (Maybe Grace Potter? something like that). They were almost like a 60's tribute band (Woodstock era 60's, not Beach Boys). Not covers, original music, I just mean style-wise. But whatever, holy shit were they good. Blow you away good. Heard her on the satellite radio the other day, and it wasn't quite the same. But live? They have it going on in abundance. All of which is an aside as well, by the way. (Maybe blogs are, in the main, just one big aside).

The most powerful thing by far, of course, is going to see an artist who you love, whose songs resonate. I don't go to live concerts that much, in part because it's so emotionally draining to hear live performances of multiple songs that mean a lot to you. In succession. Over a short period. In a communal setting. But even though I have felt near destroyed after more than a few concerts, I can see from a distance that it's a good destruction.

We do have tickets, almost by accident, for U2 coming up. I think I can get through that one rather intact, tho.

Bad Calls Gone Good

2009-09-22T21:19:00.000-07:00

http://www.pokerhandreplays.com/view.php/id/850646

Actually, I don’t even know if it’s a bad call. I just know that if I take this line I am paying off a lot and kind of flying in the dark. Maybe that’s fine, but I don’t really feel like it’s a good line overall. Maybe bet/call turn is better.

The thinking, for what it’s worth, is by c/c’ing the turn I put some bluffs in his range (if he was floating the flop, he’s definitely bluffing this turn) and allow myself a chance to hit my 10-outer when he does have the flush.

I was inclined to fold the river, but I just thought I’d seemed so weak that his range was not necessarily that polarized. I wasn’t only beating bluffs. He could be value betting his two pair type hands or even a rivered top pair, if he’s inclined to VB thin. Which I believe he probably is.

Yet c/c’ing two streets just seems bad. I dunno. Poker is hard.

Lucky Rivers

2009-09-21T14:51:00.001-07:00

I used to feel somewhat guilty when I sucked out. That passed a long time ago. Now I kinda like it. Which flies in the face, I suppose, of Willinnewhaven’s advice to not care about results. But I don’t think I like it specifically because I dragged the pot (although you would imagine that’s a factor). It’s more because it helps take the edge off when it happens the other way. Like, ‘look, ma, I’m not cursed! I can get lucky too’.

Here’s two that happened back to back at the end of this past session.

In this one I think villain donks with any K, and will have a hard time letting it go. He obv looks committed on the turn, which he probably was even without improving but as it turns out he was not only committed but ahead. (Yeah, the overbet is a little worrisome, but this particular player I still thought I'd be ahead way more often than not. TP is definitely the stone cold nuts to him).

http://www.pokerhandreplays.com/view.php/id/845592

When I click it back in the next hand and he shoves I’m like 95% sure I’m good. Oh well. Saved by the turn (just realized that means blog title doesn't work -- too late to change it now).

http://www.pokerhandreplays.com/view.php/id/845594

Speaking of click it back, I really can’t say enough about how well it works as a value line. And the beauty is, you can also mix in bluffs because if your opponent has absolutely nothing it’s still hard for him to continue. So even if someone has been paying attention enough to see me do it a few times, I think my range is polarized in a way that makes it tough to counter. With 24 tables going these days, I’m sure I am not putting good regs to many tough decisions, so any relatively simple way to get a bit tricker is a good thing.

But anyway, villain here actually has reasonable TAGish stats (despite the not very TAGgy preflop call). I guess he just won’t stand for being min three bet post flop.

http://www.pokerhandreplays.com/view.php/id/845595

Boise DoubleTree

2009-09-21T04:14:00.001-07:00

First, the ridiculously long hallways. Who are they kidding? What are they compensating for? And they don't have wireless internet in the rooms. Come on, be reasonable. It's two thousand and fucking nine. Even Super 8's all have wireless internet. The Super 8's in, like, Alaska all have wireless internet.

I remember, as children, we would go down to Seattle to watch the Mariners, and we would stay at the DoubleTree in Bellevue. Man, that was a snazzy hotel. They didn't have wireless internet, cause it hadn't been invented yet, but I have every confidence that, if it had existed, the Bellevue DoubleTree would have had it. If the Bellevue DoubleTree of the 80's could see the Boise DoubleTree of today, it would be chagrined. Of this I am certain.

No More Results

2009-09-21T04:01:00.000-07:00

I've decided I will no longer post poker results in this blog. I don't think I have posted results that much, anyway, but I am going to make a total point of not commenting on big winning or losing sessions. There are a number of reasons for this decision. Here are a few of them:

- there's a guy in the cardplayer forums right now (as there often is) going off about how terrible he's been running. he sounds like a complete idiot who does not understand the first thing about poker. i do not want to be that guy.

- i aint superstitious, but nothing brings on a doomswitch quicker than a brag session. even if it's just in my head, something seems to go wrong as soon as i say it's going right.

- it's kind of garish to talk about how much you make in general, why talk about in poker?

- the 'results' posts don't paint an accurate picture of how things are going anyway, as I tend to post more about it when variance is punishing me than when it's going swimmingly.

- too many posts that start 'i'm running bad', or, 'i'm on a heater' gets old. i'd like to post more about specific hands, or at least strategies and approaches. the occasional variance blog is okay, cause it's obviously a huge part of poker and it really does blow my feeble little mind fairly regularly, but it shouldn't make up the majority of my poker blogs.

Glee Sucks

2009-09-16T22:50:00.000-07:00

A great TV series is a wondrous gift to the world. You get yourself the DVD's, and like once a year you can watch the whole damn thing again. If you are a frequent traveler, it's just about the best thing imaginable.

So I get excited when people get excited about a TV show. And the critics definitely seem to be excited about the new show 'Glee'. Which is odd. Cause it sucks.

I can see why people want to like it. I can see the potential. But it's just not funny. And nobody's likable. And the plot is a snorefest. And quirky <> fun. Not automatically. And Jane Lynch already did what she's doing now. In about 15 movies. Each one of which was better than this. And the whole 'no laugh track' thing would be better if I was laughing at home. Preferably on the outside, but I'd take even a slight inner feeling of bemusement.

Maybe it'll get better, it's my solemn wish that it does. But considering it's apparently already great, I'm not optimistic.

Poker On The Mac

2009-09-16T21:56:00.000-07:00

Yeah, fuck it. I'm done with VMWare Fusion, and the bullshit Windows on the Mac. I downloaded a free trial of Poker CoPilot, and I fired up PokerStars in the Mac OS. And suddenly, magically, everything runs smooth.

I messed around for a while just 4-tabling. That was fun, it'd been quite a while and I was almost shocked how different an experience it is after a couple months of as many tables as the computer can handle. But after a while I just said screw it, got 'er up to 24 tables, and there was nary a lag to be found. Very encouraging, cause I feel like I'll be able to play 24 tables on the road (when there's good internet at least). And also, though I didn't play that long, I didn't find 24 tables to be much harder than the 16 I'd gotten used to playing.

Poker CoPilot would be an amazing program if it was three or so years ago. But compared to the level HEM has gotten to, it's pretty weak. There's only maybe 15 or so stats total. But the HUD works great (it's actually maybe a little simpler, in a good way, like to use, than it's far more developed PC equivalents). And it tracks your sessions great. Apparently it can slow down quite a bit as the database fills up with hands, which given the amount I play will be an issue. But realistically, if PokerTracker 3 comes through with it's promise to release a Mac version in the fall, I won't be on Poker CoPilot that long anyway.

The biggest problem by far with poker on the Mac is the lack of an AHK, Table Ninja-like program. It's really hard to join tables while keeping the other ~20 going (which Table Ninja automates, of course). And you don't realize how much the hot keys help, instead of having to click the mouse for every single action, until you don't have them. But even if it's far from ideal, it's a bazillion times better than all the freeze-ups and lag folds I was getting with increasing regularity. Plus, I just read about an AHK program being developed for PokerStars on the Mac. If it's halfway-decent, then even that problem is solved.

Shoulda just switched over to playing in the MacOS a long time ago.

Elevator

2009-09-14T23:22:00.000-07:00

Got in the elevator this afternoon and there were already four people on it. It was kind of awkward. You know the way elevators can be.

So I felt self-conscious, and just for something to do looked at my watch. Only I wasn't wearing one. But I wasn't looking to really see the time, I was just looking to kill a couple floors. So I didn't immediately clue in that I wasn't wearing one. And by the time I did clue in, I had been looking at my wrist kind of a long time for somebody not wearing a watch. And I kept looking even longer as I considered whether there was some kind of maneuver I could do now that would make it less weird that I was staring at a non-existent watch for several seconds.

I couldn't think of anything, so I just put my wrist back down. Then I pretended to check my iPhone for new email, even though there is no reception in the elevator shaft.